Keeping Up With Mom - Feb. 3rd

Hello family and friends!

This post will be the new place where I update you on mom's health. The original post has 7 months worth of writing and it is slow to load. If you want to reminisce thru that roller coaster ride, visit the 2009 Heart Posts link at the top of the page. As this post moves down the blog, you will always be able to access it thru the Keeping Up With Mary Ann link at the top of our blog.

Now, for your update... I have added some news here and there in our family blog and have included photos of mom when she's feeling good. I still have requests to give more frequent updates so this is for all of YOU! :)

Feb. 3-

Yesterday, we had an apt. with the heart surgeon, Dr. M. He is such a great guy and I got a big hug from him when we were leaving. We had a great conversation about mom's progress. Her o2 was great, blood pressure perfect and her lungs were clear. He could still hear her murmur but her heart was beating strong. I thought he might tell us that she was doing so well that if she wanted to, she could put off or not have the surgery but that was not the case. When I told him my thoughts he kind of laughed. He said that he wouldn't say that because of a few reasons. 1. He didn't feel that mom was happy with her quality of life. 2. He feels like he didn't get to finish the job and he wants to do it right. 3. He feels that this is our window of opportunity.

He feels that mom is just about as strong as she can get with her severe mitral valve leak and he doesn't want to miss this opportunity. My fear for the surgery, is her heart not starting back up when they take her off of the bypass machine but he felt that wasn't our biggest concern this time around. We discussed worst case scenario and we all agree on what that is...but he is still optimistic about the surgery. You might remember that he was always very optimistic along the way but I always needed that. He wants to run a test on her neck/arteries to make sure there are no blockages so the risk for stroke is minimal. He listed a few concerns but said they are the same concerns he would have had during the first surgery. He doesn't seem to think that her first surgery will affect the second one because it has been 10 months and she is much stronger now.

Mom picked the date and he said it sounded great. Unless there is a schedule conflict or mom gets sick, we will stick with the 22nd. I was hoping that this new surgery would be quicker than the last surgery because there is only one thing that needs to be fixed....but I was wrong. Because he will be going back in to places he thought he was done with, he will have to go thru new scar tissue. That can complicate the surgery and make it even longer than the first time! I think the first time was like 12 hours....so I asked him to knock me out for the surgery so I wouldn't have to endure the worrying...he thought that was funny...I wasn't nec. kidding... We discussed all aspects of the surgery and he has decided he will need to completely replace the mitral valve. She already has one organic valve so now she will have two. Overall, I felt good about the appointment and am trying not to freak out about the approaching date. I feel like I need to spend as much time as I can with mom...just in case...and dear Aunt Sandy, your letter was very sweet. I am trying not to be fearful but I am not 100% successful. I believe that God is in control of all things...I am just fearful of an unhappy outcome...though happy for mom...I am being selfish. Thank you for your sweet words of encouragement and your prayers. I love you!

P.S. Mom got her hair cut super, super short last night. Most of it was gone anyway so we just made it official. I am going to curl it tomorrow night to see what kind of body we can give it.

Jan 25-

Well, mom has been sick for over a week now. We went to see her cardiologist last week and he gave her some meds...did I mention this before? I can't rem. Today was her last day of the z pac and she is feeling pretty good. She still gets out of breath easily but is improving. Dr. R. told us that he was very pleased with her progress. He said that she has surpassed all their expectations and they are very happy with how she is doing. He said that in her case, she can not continue to live like this for 5 more years and that at some point, we will have waited too long and won't be able to fix her heart. He said that we really need to think about this next surgery and set a date. Mom shared her fears with him regarding her strength/lack of strength but he reassured her that she won't feel like she did before the surgery and that she can't wait for that because it won't happen. He had us set up an appointment with Dr. Miller

Jan 15-
Mom has felt pretty good for the last week and has only had a few hours of nausea. As you know, in her former life mom was such a hard worker and that hasn't changed at all even with heart surgery. She is starting to work on her taxes because she wants them done before her surgery. We have plans to drive to Ottawa next week to go to her house, make sure it's still standing, get her other tax papers, pack up some pottery and check on her rentals. She continues to be our official "clothes folder" and loads/unloads the dishwasher as well as some light cooking. She is taking care of her own meds and most of her meals now too.

For Christmas, I got her a book about Hymns. She LOVES to sing and loves her Hymns and I thought it might be good therapy for her too. The book tells the story behind the Hymn and she is half way thru it already. She has found her favorite preaching show and stays up till Midnight just so she can watch it. It is very sweet to hear her sing the hymn at the end of the teaching. I just love to hear my mom's heart. We are preparing for something that mom has not done in almost 48 years....a short haircut! She has lost so much hair (from stress & meds) that her once beautiful braid is microscopic...and really too hard to braid. We have begun discussions about getting her hair cut short and as you probably know...it makes her sad. Her long braid has been her trademark for so long that it is like cutting off an appendage...so I think she is going to put it off until the very last minute...but I hope to get it done this month.

Please continue to go before her in prayer as we try to prepare for another surgery. It is very scary for all of us. It is sooooo hard to imagine going thru that again. Last time, we had no idea what was in store for us and I think that always makes it easier. This time, I have a little more of an idea and it exhausts me just to think about it. Can I tell you my thoughts (fears) without you judging me? If you read thru the other heart updates you know that it was a roller coaster and I lived in fear thru most of it. I don't like living or reacting in fear but that is what I tend to do. So, now that I am jobless...I am trying to outguess God...what could he be thinking? What could he be planning? My last job was so great in that my boss was super flexible and let me work from the hospital and from home at all hours of the day and night...but 99% of jobs won't let me do that. That flexibility let me be with mom, take care of her and take care of my hubby who couldn't drive for the past 9 months. So, in trying to figure out our next year, my fears are: 1. I don't need to worry about a less flexible job and not being able to stay at the hospital because mom may not survive the 2nd surgery...(I KNOW! This is horrible to even put out there into the "universe" but it is my #1 fear!!!!!) 2. The reason I was laid off is because I am going to need to be free while mom has this second surgery because it will be similar to the first time. (Not sure this is valid cause He could have just let me keep my flexible job??) So, basically, that is all I have which means my big fear is again, that mom won't survive and so it won't matter what job I have. Horrible huh?

We talked about it 2 nights ago and I know that it is one or the other. Either mom will survive and bounce back (whether it takes 1 month or 10) or she will not survive and we have to figure life out from there. I am praying that she survives because, I really like her! I know that if anyone could do it, it would be her. Her chances at survival get better and better every day as she works harder and harder to get stronger. I can also rest easy in knowing that she won't rem. 95% of what happens before, during and after surgery so she won't really be suffering. I really worried about that before but she does not rem. much from the past 9 months so that is one less thing to worry about. Sooooo, fear is my enemy again. I know that fear paralyzes me and causes me to shut down and it diminishes my faith...but when it comes to the life of my mother...it is hard not to have fear. I don't want to live thru the pain of losing my only parent. I will have no family near me (unfortunately Bill has removed and been removed from our lives as he is so toxic right now) and everyone else is in FL, CA or TX. I am scared about not having a support system and scared of my life without mom...but I am trying NOT to dwell or think about that as that is a lot of extra worrying that doesn't help me one bit...but it lurks in the back of my mind.

So, again, please pray for strength for mom, for a successful surgery, for wisdom, God's timing, God's will and me learning to trust one day at a time instead of fearful living. Love you all!

Jan 10-
Mom had a pretty good day today and helped serve drinks during dinner. She got a refill for Scott and Lucas said, "I know your not our maid grandma, but could you get me some more tea?" It was very sweet and of course grandma obliged. She continues to push herself and exercise every day. Sometimes that involves elastic bands, balls, walking around the house, stretching and going up and down our staircase. She is doing great and was "released" today to take her own shower. We were given a shower chair and as long as I put that in and take it out, the therapist feels she is strong enough to get up the stairs and back down. She is pretty excited about that. Please continue to pray for her heart, endurance and strength. Pray for wisdom as we are discussing a surgery date. For those of you who have her cell phone....she has it on most days and is ok talking now. We are very pleased with her progress. Praise God!

Jan. 3-
It has been 2.5 months since mom moved in and I am happy to say we have only been back to the hospital once. She was there for 4 quick days to get some IV antibiotics to help her get over bronchitis. Since she has been home she has been working, working, working. She has improved so much that sometimes it is hard to imagine her at deaths door on my birthday last June. For the past month she has been working on her stamina by cooking and folding clothes. When she first started, she was very weak and could not stand very long in the kitchen. She would cook something or make a salad as quick as she could and then leave to go rest. My poor kitchen! She couldn't stay long enough to clean up her mess so that became my job. She kept pushing herself and now she cooks every day. Most days she cooks/makes her own breakfast and lunch and will even make dinner for us. It has been a big help, especially since I was sick for 3 weeks starting before Thanksgiving.

She continues to see an Occupational therapist, a nurse and a Physical therapist 2-3 times a week. Her OT told her (after Christmas) that she was the talk of the office because of how great she was doing compared to just a few weeks ago. Everyone that meets her loves her and they get attached pretty quickly. I think we might have to adopt the OT once her time with mom is up. She is very sweet. Did I tell you what happened when mom went back to the hospital? She was admitted as a dialysis patient and put into a beautiful, private room. I was confused, but tried not to panic too much as the nurses argued with me on whether she was a dialysis patient or not. Turns out someone in admitting made a mistake but it allowed us to have a fantastic room. Once the nurses heard that mom was back, they all started trickling in to visit her. All of her buddies from the 3rd floor, Dr. Millers PA, Dr. Millers secretary and some of the docs came to say hi. Even Shiela, who LOVES mom, came to visit from the 3rd floor (we were on 4th) and she took mom outside for a stroll around the building. (It was in Nov. so it was much warmer outside!) It was very sweet for them to show her such love. The nurses even sent her a birthday card once Dr. Miller told them he came to her party. They turned out to be a good group after all...

We are still struggling with a few issues and would love any ideas that you may have. Her main problem is her stomach. She fights nausea almost everyday and it is really hindering her recovery. We are going to start a food diary to see if we can find any patterns but our unscientific guess is that the culprit may be grease. She seems to get sick if she eats meat. Her diet mostly consists of cottage cheese and fruit because it doesn't make her sick. Our second issue is her hair. She has lost most of her hair and it hasn't slowed down at all. I noticed this problem when she was in the Hoeger house last Oct. and since then she has lost handfuls. Her long hair is very thin and her braid is sooooo tiny. I would like to fix her hair so that she feels better about herself, but I am not sure a short haircut will fix the problem. What can you do with super thin hair? I don't rem. grandma having that problem.

I still help mom with her bath because it is upstairs and she must climb 18 stairs. We are both learning about gravity (haha) and what happens to our bodies when we age. She feels she looks like an old woman now and compared to how she usually looks, I can see why it bothers her. She has always looked 10 yrs. younger than she was....until my dad died and then she started to age faster.

We haven't seen Bill for months and months. I am not even sure the last time he saw mom...maybe Sep? He has become an angry young man and is dealing with his own demons. We have had several conversations that end in cruel words and yelling so I am currently keeping my distance. He made the decision to close the Potter's Wheel on Dec. 23rd and that makes me sad for so many reasons. Mom wants to travel to Ottawa so we can pack up her pots and other items and get them moved to her house. So, there is lots going on as usual and lots to pray for. I do have one particular prayer...Mom's rentals. She has 2 empty rentals, one renter getting ready to move in a month or so and one renter who can't pay rent. Please pray that we start to get these rented so I can get her estate in order.

We have a heart apt. on Jan. 20th so no surgery will be scheduled until at least the end of the month. I don't think mom thinks she is ready so she may push it to Feb. or March. Please pray that she will continue to get stronger and that God will go before her... P.S. Mom says Happy Birthday to her dear baby sister!

This was taken at Thanksgiving 2008. Such a beautiful lady!