We are a complex family of six who loves, laughs and learns together. I am a Bonus mom to 4 amazing kids and a wife to a wonderful husband who is currently fighting Lyme Disease. We have great relationships that grow stronger with each new challenge. This blog is our heartfelt expression of our day to day survival with all the chaos, mess and noise that is inevitable.
God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved: God shall help her, and that right early. Psalm 46:5
When God is in the midst of a soul, though calamities throng about it on all hands, and roar like the billows of the sea, yet there is a constant calm within, such a peace as the world can neither give nor take away. What is it but want of lodging God in the soul, and that in His stead the world is in men's hearts, that make them shake like leaves at every blast of danger? (Archishop Leighton)
Our German son Martin just sent me some photos from his visit this past summer. We took him to the Spin Doctor's concert at Crown Center and had such a good time. The kids really loved seeing him again and it was like he had never left. We miss him a lot! We stayed after the concert and Scott & Eli got their shirts signed and Noah got a drum stick thrown to him. Lucas kept up with the drummer and Scott made friends with Red Guitar. It was our first rock concert and it was so much fun!
My heart is breaking for all the Lymies around the world. We so desperately want to have a normal life again but this horrible disease keeps getting in the way. When I say we, I mean the diagnosed Lyme patients, their families, caregivers, children, parents, siblings and friends who desperately want to see them healthy again. Lyme doesn't just affect the patient...it affects everyone around them.
The sad truth is that Lyme Disease can affect a marriage. Marriage is hard enough with two healthy people, let alone one and sometimes 2 sick people. Communication breaks down when the sick spouse loses the ability to articulate their feelings, frustrations and limitations. When one spouse is diagnosed the first reaction is often, "Great! At least it's not MS, FB, CF or Fill In The Blank with your own Misdiagnosis". Once the reality of the disease kicks in it can become impossible to overcome. Suddenly becoming a caregiver can be overwhelming but imagine how hard it is for the sick spouse when the healthy spouse says- "I don't want to be married to someone with a Chronic illness"...It would be devastating to hear that from the one person who is supposed to be your ally, your advocate and your best friend....
Unfortunately, this scenario happens all the time in Lyme families. I read an update from Jordan Fisher Smith on the Under Our Skin blog. He was featured in the Under Our Skin Movie and at the time of the filming he still had his family. This is what he wrote yesterday.
Prophetically, when the Open Eye Pictures crew first visited my home in 2005, my wife didn’t want to be filmed, and you don’t see her in the movie. My illness was hard for my wife. She had never taken care of a person who was sick and we both found out she wasn’t cut out for it. Lyme patients with brain problems—people who can’t sleep, people who are suffering terrible pain and discomfort, irritable people who are having trouble finding the words to express themselves—are hard to take care of, even for someone who has experience in caregiving. But the problems go farther than the individual caregiver.
If someone in your neighborhood gets cancer, people show up with casseroles. Neighbors organize to support the affected family. Family members come from all over to visit and sit by the bedside of the affected person. But when someone gets Lyme, often none of this happens, and the Lyme family is terribly alone. My wife didn’t have that support, not from neighbors or friends or even our own families. Her life had not given her an opportunity to learn how to behave in an emergency, or when something difficult happened. She wasn’t going to the doctor with me, didn’t know the names or dosages of the drugs I was on. She liked being out of the house when possible. She seemed distant and out of touch. But given the terrible ignorance about Lyme around her, it’s hard to blame her for what happened...Now we’re going through a divorce.
I hear about this often from Lyme families. The tragedy is larger than the thousands of Lyme victims themselves. Lyme is also destroying families, and the really sad thing is, a serious illness is when people need their families the most.
I am conflicted because I don't know what to do for all of our Lyme friends. We now have Lyme friends in CO, WY, NM, AZ, IA, MO, KS, MA, AL, TN, FL and NE. All I can give you right now are my continued prayers and my promise to continue to educate so we can eradicate this disease. I know that Scott and I are going to be one of the families that makes it thru this illness intact. I am committed to unconditional love no matter what this disease brings. I pray that your family will remain intact also.
I didn't get my 8 verses memorized so I am working on it this week too. I keep letting this thorn in my side discourage and manipulate me. Why do I fall for it every time?
There should be one common goal and one common focus. Why are people so selfish?
Because this illness is commonly misunderstood, us lymies are big on educating those around us. We become Lyme patient advocates and strongly believe in EVERYONE being tested. Here are some fun facts for you to review...
1. Fewer than half of patients with Lyme disease recall a tick bite. In some studies this number is as low as 15% in culture-proven Lyme borrelial infection.
2. Fewer than half of patients with Lyme disease recall any rash. Although the bull's eye presentation is considered classic, it is not the most common dermatologic manifestation of early-localized Lyme infection.
3. There has never in the history of this illness been one study that proves even in the simplest way that 30 days of antibiotic treatment cures Lyme disease. However, there is a plethora of documentation in the US and European medical literature demonstrating histologically and in culture that short courses of antibiotic treatment fail to eradicate the Lyme spirochete.
4. An uncomplicated case of chronic Lyme disease requires an average of 6-12 months of high-dose antibiotic therapy. The return of symptoms and evidence of the continued presence of Borrelia burgdorferi indicates the need for further treatment. (Imagine how long a COMPLICATED case, with co-infections needs to be treated?)
5. Many patients with Lyme disease require treatment for 1-4 years, or until the patient is symptom free. Relapses occur and maintenance antibiotics may be required. There are no tests available to assure us whether the organism is eradicated or the patient is cured.
6. There are 5 subspecies of Borrelia burgdorferi, over 100 strains in the US, and 300 strains worldwide. This diversity is thought to contribute to Borrelia burgdorferi's antigenic variability and its various antibiotic resistances.
7. Lyme disease is the latest great imitator and should be considered in the differential diagnosis of MS, ALS, seizure and other neurological conditions, as well as arthritis, CFS, gulf war syndrome, ADHD, hypochondriasis, fibromyalgia, somatization disorder and patients with various difficult-to-diagnose multi-system syndromes.
8. And last but not least....a quick list of symptoms. Do you see yourself in this list? Symptomatic presentations of Lyme disease include:
Fatigue
Low grade fevers, "hot flashes" or chills
Night sweats
Sore throat
Swollen glands
Stiff neck
Migrating arthralgias, stiffness and frank arthritis
This is a small list of the various symptoms that Lyme disease can cause. You can find a more complete list HERE. The info. in this post came from Turn The Corner Foundation. You can also find info. HERE on the FIRST test that you would need to have done if you are concerned about Lyme disease. Take a few minutes and do some research. This debilitating illness is real and it is everywhere.
Friday- We celebrated Scott's birthday at home as a family. We had homemade shrimp alfredo for dinner, yummy peanut butter balls for dessert and cuddle time on the couch. The kids made Scott cards and we really enjoyed our low key evening.
Saturday- The kids and I have been looking forward to taking some of the classes at the Y and on Saturday, Autumn and I took the plunge. She has been begging me to take her to a Hip Hop dance class but there were no classes offered while she is at home so we compromised. I found another fun dance class and though we were nervous for our first time it was a lot of fun! Our teacher also teaches a Zumba class an hour before our dance class and Autumn wants to do that too....so next Saturday we will be doing 2 classes. All of the kids want to work out with me but the rules at the Y are for 10 and up. So, after our dance class we worked out on weights for 40 minutes! That girl is amazing! She LOVED it! I showed her all of the machines and taught her how to use them correctly. We picked appropriate weights and she did a full work out. She wants to do this every time she is home so now I have an exercise buddy! Yeah! I am really loving our girlie time, she is such a sweet girl and I love bonding with her.
Sunday- I took all the kids to the Y to play Basketball but we ended up playing all sorts of other games. Noah has decided that he wants to work out with me too so we will start that this weekend. He wanted to start Sunday afternoon but we couldn't with everyone with us. We had been looking for a Yoga class since Oct. but none of them fit into our weekend schedules so I am glad that we have found something else we can do together.
Monday- Because of the holiday, the kids didn't have school and I took the opportunity to work from home. Noah and Lucas both started new activities this week and we got to see them in action. Noah started a Tween Yoga class and Lucas started Karate. Lucas has been talking about Karate for years and always practiced his moves with Uncle Billy. We are so glad that he finally had an opportunity to try it. He did a great job and was picked out by his teacher as an example of good form and fast moves. I couldn't believe how many push ups the kids did! Lucas seems to really like it and always has a new move to share with us. Check out those moves!!
We ended our Monday night by having a party for Scott at our favorite restaurant. I surprised him by inviting some of our friends from O-town and it turned out to be a great evening. I have really been missing our customers/friends/family and it was so nice to see some of them again.
Tuesday- After I took the boys to school, Lucas and I had a Nerf gun fight. Actually, it was more of an assault on me, the tv, the floor, the door, the fire alarm, the computer, daddy...and whatever else he could find. It was nice to be able to eat breakfast with the boys before they went to school and we really enjoyed our extra time with Lucas.
Thursday- Noah and Eli had a Music program at school tonight. Lucas sat with us and took most of the shots. Eli played the xylophone but he was in the back row and it was impossible to get a good photo of him while he was playing. The 3rd & 4th graders sang and danced for 30 minutes...it was short and sweet. Noah is in the blue plaid shirt and Eli is wearing a white dress shirt with stripes (next to the boy in blue). Lucas is toothless and sitting on Scott's lap. :)
What a busy, busy week...time to get some sleep....
This chapter meant a lot to me this summer and I have decided that I would like to learn it. I memorized last weeks verse but am pretty sure I will need to spend more time learning this one so I am splitting the chapter into 2 parts. I like setting a goal for myself by choosing verses every week...I need more goals in my life.
Psalm 51 1) Have mercy on me, O God,according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions.
2) Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin.
3) For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me.
4) Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you are proved right when you speak and justified when you judge.
5) Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
6) Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.
7) Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8) Let me hear joy and gladness;let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
The band had a chance to practice today and Scott recorded part of their session. The only way to share it with you is to make it a video so we hope you enjoy the photos too.
Today is my dear husband's birthday! Happy Birthday Sweetie! You are an amazing husband and I am so thankful to have you as my best friend. You are genuine, compassionate, creative, supportive, long suffering, artistic, understanding, loving and funny. You keep me laughing and I am so proud of you. You have taught me grace and mercy in our short time together. You have demonstrated compassion and grace to me on many occasions and you challenge me to be a better person. You have taught me how to deal with the unlovable and how to show true compassion. People are drawn to you because you truly care about them. You have taught me many spiritual truths and I love to worship with you. I value your spiritual insight and honesty. I am so thankful for the mutual respect we have and I cherish the time we have together. I truly meant "In sickness and in health" and I have been blessed during this trial of getting you healthy. I am sorry you had to fight this disease on your own for so long but I want you to know that I am proud to stand by you and support you. It is an honor to be your wife. Happy Birthday! I pray for and look forward to a lifetime of healthy birthdays!
In celebration of his 36th birthday I am sharing some of his super cute baby photos with you. I am sure he will appreciate me telling the world how YOUNG he is. :) I would tell you that he is closer to 40 than 30 now but I probably shouldn't remind him....
Everyday on our way to the clinic I see people in our neighborhood out walking and running...at 6:30 in the morning! I always secretly hate those people because I wish that I could be one of those people. I have always wanted to be an early morning runner but I always find other things to do at 6 am...like sleep. Well, today was different. Today I ran. At 6:30 in the morning. In -2 DEGREE weather. In my PJ's and my pink fuzzy suede slippers. Now, you may be asking yourself why I would decide to start my running career in my PJ's and slippers and I can understand that. This morning I did not CHOOSE to run...it chose me.
Our car was on E yesterday...We didn't get a chance to get to the gas station in between IV treatments but I KNEW that we could make it till this morning when we could stop on our way to treatment....only I was WRONG!! The car started and we got out on our road and made it one a block before our 10 yr old suv died...so we hopped out to try and push it...me in my PJ's and Scott with his Pic in his arm...which lasted about 30 seconds...
So, I volunteered to RUN back to our house and get our neighbor John to come and help. I ran all the way back home...it felt like a mile...with tears running down my face because it was so cold! I almost tripped because of my pink slippers but made it back all in one piece. I changed my shoes...couldn't be seen in my fuzzy slippers.....and ran next door to get John. I knocked and knocked...no one answered...I saw their daughter but she was too scared to answer the door at 6:30....so I kept knocking...Then I saw a lady walking in front of the house on the sidewalk and I thought, Hmmm, I wonder if she happens to have a gas can with her...Hmmm, and then I turn back around to knock again. As I turn back toward the street I see this lady coming up the sidewalk...Rem. its early so its still dark...and the front porch light is off....so I say, Hi Lee! and she screams....and jumps....and I scare her to death...then we laugh and she takes me inside. John rescues us and we get to the car only to find Scott freezing to death. Thankfully, he WAS wearing a coat this morning but -2 is still -2.
John has just enough gas to get us down the road another block to the gas station. Such excitement so early in the morning can't be good for our health can it?? So, maybe I learned a lesson today....it's no fun running out of gas at 0dark30 in -2 degree weather in your PJ"s and fuzzy slippers....but those of you nearest and dearest will remember the Valentine's Day fiasco of 2007...and know that sometimes our life is crazy and that's why you love us!
Oh and about that whole running thing....I kinda liked it....
I have been working on my computer for most of the day today and I am finally winding down. I don't have any new photos to post but I thought I would share some of my favorite photos from our wedding in 2005. The kids are so adorable and I love all the silly, goofy photos. I walked down the aisle to the song that Scott wrote for me. It is called Sojourney and you can buy it on iTunes. (Nice plug, right? :) ) Our family walked back down the aisle together to the song L.O.V.E. by Nat King Cole. It was a fantastic day and I just LOVE my family!
L is for the way you look at me O is for the only one I see V is very, very extraordinary E is even more than anyone that you can adore... ...Love was made for me and you
I found a great blog last week called Thrifty Is Cool. Amy is always posting about great deals, coupons, specials and things you can get for FREE or almost free. As a budget conscious wife and mother...I LOVE her site. It changes a couple times a day so you have to be diligent... Today, you can get a coupon for a FREE bottle of shampoo from Sauve. Click HERE to get your free bottle.
Since we are all trying to save money I thought I would pass this freebie on to you. While you are on her blog, scroll down and see what other deals are still current. There are some super cheap diapers, free photo posters and a free photo album from Hoorray.
Memory Monday is all about hiding God's word in your heart. The goal is to pick a verse or passage to memorize for the upcoming week. Practice the verse all week and next Monday, type it out BY MEMORY and choose another one. This idea comes from The Simple Wife.
My first verse that I chose is Psalm 119:11. "I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you."
I REALLY heard this song for the first time last week and it moved me to tears. We have a promise that one day there will be no more tears and no more suffering. That day seems so far away right now as we battle this horrible disease. Scott suffers each day and the burdens of this world can overwhelm in an instant but we hold on to the promises of God and look forward to that day. In the meantime, we hope we can be a blessing to you as you have been a blessing to our family.
I try to hold on to this world with everything I have But I feel the weight of what it brings, and the hurt that tries to grab The many trials that seem to never end, His word declares this truth, That we will enter in this rest with wonders anew
But I hold on to this hope and the promise that He brings That there will be a place with no more suffering
(Chorus) There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we'll see Jesus face to face But until that day, we'll hold on to you always
I know the journey seems so long You feel you're walking on your own But there has never been a step Where you've walked out all alone
(Chorus)
Troubled soul don't lose your heart Cause joy and peace he brings And the beauty that's in store Outweighs the hurt of life's sting
I can't wait until that day where the very one I've lived for always will wipe away the sorrow that I've faced To touch the scars that rescued me from a life of shame and misery this is why this is why I sing
Lyme is the most prevalent vector-borne disease in the U.S. and it's found in more than 65 countries worldwide.
According to the CDC only 10% of Lyme disease cases meeting the CDC criteria are reported each year. That means about 230,000 new cases of Lyme meeting that criteria occur each year in the U.S.
Patients with Lyme disease often have co-infections with Babesia, Anaplasma, Bartonella, or other organisms, clouding the dignostic and treatment picture.
Lyme disease, the great imitator, can be misdiagnosed as MS, ALS, Lupus, Chronic Fatigue, Fibromyalgia, Autism, Alzheimer's and Parkinson's.
A bite from a tick that's infected with Lyme disease bacteria can lead to neurologic, cardiac, arthritic and psychiatric manifestations in humans.
Children 5-14 are at the highest risk of acquiring Lyme disease; some studies show significant IQ drops in students with Lyme, reversed after treatment.
Lab tests for Lyme disease are not reliable; you can test negative and still have the disease.
Lyme disease can cross the placenta and cause birth defects or even death of the fetus.
A 2006 published CDC animal study shows that trasmission of Borrelia burgdorferi (the bacterium that causes Lyme) through blood transfusion in mice is possible.
A rash does not always occur with Lyme disease, and symptoms may occur days or months after a tick bite. (These 10 facts were taken from www.lymediseaseassociation.org)
We had another apt. with Dr. R. last week and it was 2 hours long! She had another Dr. in the room who was there to learn and observe how to treat LD. Doctors are always contacting her to find out what to do with their sick patients and some of them are able to come and train with her. She is an amazing lady! Anyway, she feels that based on his blood tests and his progress we are now ready to attack his classic lyme infection. (Borrelia burgdorferi, also known as Bb).
We are excited about this new development and appreciate all your cards and prayers. When the drudgery of daily IV treatments loom over our heads we are thankful that we are sustained by a loving God who knows exactly where we are and what we need. I will add more info to Scott's Caring Bridge site in case you want more intimate details. I am including a photo of Scott so you can imagine how he spends his days. Please continue to pray for this amazing man. He works so hard at being a considerate husband and father and I am so thankful that God has extended his stay on this earth.
Today was our first try at a Build & Grow clinic at our local Lowe's. As soon as Scott got back from morning IV's we were on our way. When we got there the boys each got a Build & Grow kit that came with an apron, pre-cut wood, nails, stickers, sand paper and any tools they would need. When they completed their projects they got a signed Certificate and a badge for mom to sew on their apron. Today's project was a Time Capsule. I got to help Eli while Scott helped Lucas. Noah flew solo on this project and they all did a great job.
Noah flew thru his project without really reading the directions. He didn't think he needed them and he was right. His hammer kept disappearing but he still managed to finish his project. Great job Noah!
Have you ever held a piece of wood for your 8 year old as he is swinging a hammer for the first time? Your life flashes before your eyes! I must admit that he came close but he never smooshed my fingers. Yeah! Eli also volunteered his Time Capsule to be used for our family tradition. He is always so giving! I LOVE that about him!
Lucas finished first but he was still hammering on his project as we were getting our coats on. He wanted to be sure that the lid was on nice and tight. He really loves his tools!
We had a nice morning together as a family and had fun building our first wood project. We are looking forward to our next project in February...and of course there will be photos. :) P.S. Did I mention that this clinic is FREE?
One of my life wishes/goals is to create art everyday. I have kept a notebook of design ideas since I was in college and lately I have been inspired to add to it. This summer I developed 3 Black & White posters and Psalm 51 was my favorite. I want to create art that is uplifting, inspiring, meaningful and possibly life changing. I gave the first print to Scott for Christmas this year. I prayed this Chapter for him all summer long and am so thankful that God heard me before I was done speaking. I tried to upload the file for you to see the design but blogger won't show the words so I will just have to type in my version. You can imagine the great design on your own. :)
Have MERCY on me, O God, Because of your unfailing LOVE Because of your great COMPASSION Blot out the stain of my sins. WASH me clean from my guilt. Purify me from my sin.
PURIFY me from my sins. And I will be CLEAN. Wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. Oh, give me back my JOY again; You have broken me-
Now let me REJOICE.
CREATE in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a right SPIRIT within me. RESTORE to me again the Joy of your SALVATION.
I am learning how to live FREE of guilt and fear...Purify my heart o God...I was broken and God gave me my JOY again....I am even praying for my enemies and this has really started to change my heart. What an awesome God we serve!
I am trying to decide what the focus of our blog is or needs to be. Right now our life revolves around treating Lyme Disease but I am not sure I want to focus on that exclusively. It can be sort of a downer (the post below is a great example of this.) In our family, we also deal with the challenges of being a non-custodial household and with me being a "bonus" mom to 4 kids. I believe that Bonus parents have to work twice as hard to earn the love, respect and title that is automatically given to Bio parents. We are a complex family who loves, laughs and learns together. We have great relationships that grow stronger with each new challenge. We love music, art, books and games. We thrive on competition, routines and organization but love to be spontaneous too. We are loyal and loving and want to be able to share our joys and sorrows with you. It is my hope that our blog evolves into a heartfelt expression of our day to day survival with all the chaos, mess and noise that is inevitable.
This past week I have been reflecting on 2008. That's what you're supposed to do right? The start of a new year causes you to reflect on what you have done, who you are and where you are going. It would seem at first glance that our past year was a horrible one...and I may tend to agree with you at first...it was the hardest year of my life...of our lives...and I don't want to relive it yet I feel I need to take that brokenness and share it with you. We started the year with Scott 3 weeks into IV treatments for Lyme Disease. He was diagnosed in March of 2006 after years of pain, frustration, tests, more tests and several neurologists suggesting it may be MS but then treating him for Parkinson's. We now know that he had all the classic signs of Lyme Disease 10 years ago but like 99% of the Lymies we have met, it took years to get the correct diagnosis. It makes me sad to think that my dear sweet husband has been so sick for so long. These treatments are 2 times a day at 7am and 4pm, 5 hours a day, 7 days a week. Scott's focus became his health and I focused on keeping our life together. The pressure was extreme, for both of us. We had great friends who helped with transportation to and from the clinic during the week but due to an accident we lost those rides in early March. We had to make a decision that was really hard on our family. We moved Scott into a cheap hotel that was less than 2 blocks from the clinic. We had developed great friendships with some of the other Lymies and they offered to give Scott a ride to and from the clinic as he was too sick to walk. Because we still had a business to run, I stayed in Ottawa working insane hours while Scott stayed in MO going to treatment. It was a heartbreaking decision. I couldn't drive Scott AND make a living so it was our only option. I hated it so much. I married my husband because I LIKED him and wanted to be with him. After 3 months of trying to care for a sick husband, driving him to treatment and/or visiting him on weekends, owning, running and managing a small coffeehouse, working 60 hours a week, being a "bonus" mom, picking up kids, dropping off kids, running a household....I broke. One can only do so much.
It became quite clear to me that our next step needed to focus on Scott's health. I could not help him, take care of him or be near him every day if we kept the coffeehouse....so April 1st brought a new owner to our baby of 4 years. That decision in itself made me feel like a failure. The next few months consisted of driving, driving and more driving. I trained at the coffeehouse, applied to a million jobs, took care of kids and focused on Scott's health. He was very sick and was not himself for about 6 months. That was our Valley of Death. At times it seemed like Scott was going to die. Each new blood test would bring more bad news and more medications. His liver wasn't working correctly, his kidney's weren't working correctly, his heart wasn't working correctly, his brain wasn't working correctly...NOTHING was working correctly...
It felt like our hope was gone. To be in those trenches day after day without relief was sobering, defeating, devastating and numbing. Not only did we have to deal with sickness and the possibility of death but we had to deal with people who meant evil to our family. I know, evil is a strong word, but it fits in this case. Why does it seem like those who claim the name of Christ do the most harm? Thankfully, we know that God is not a puppet or a genie who can be pulled, prodded, convinced or tricked. During this time Scott and I had numerous discussions about his life and what God may be doing in and thru him during this illness. The possibility of death has a way of bringing priorities into line.
We struggled our way day by day till we made it to August and made another decision to bring our family back together. After 5 months of living in a hotel we decided to move Scott back home to Ottawa. We didn't know how we were going to pay for gasoline but we felt it was God's timing for our family. Scott needed to be around us and we felt like he was thru the Valley of Death and on his way back up. To our amazement, God provided for our daily needs. We had great friends in Ottawa who put out spare change buckets around town and these small daily gifts paid for food and gas. Sometimes, it was a true day to day reliance but it really kept our eyes and hearts on Him. Have you ever had to rely on God for your food or for gas money? He blessed us through the hearts and generosity of our friends, customers and church family. Our church family took love offerings and prayed for Scott all thru the week. Though we couldn't always feel it, He was sustaining us. Isn't that how it usually is? You can't see His divine hand until you are thru the wilderness.
We spent 3 months driving to KC together at 5am each day and returning back home to Ottawa by 9pm. We lived at a local coffeehouse in between treatments and I took many, many, many naps in our Mountaineer. It was life changing. It broke us and opened us to seeing who God really is and where our Faith needed to be. Day after day we survived until God decided to bless me with a job in Mid October. I can't explain the joy that I felt the day I was offered a job. It was a new beginning. Thru this experience I have kept Lamentations chapter 3 close to my heart.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD. It is good for a man to bear the yoke while he is young. Let him sit alone in silence, for the LORD has laid it on him. Let him bury his face in the dust—there may yet be hope. Let him offer his cheek to one who would strike him, and let him be filled with disgrace. For men are not cast off by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men. Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
November brought a renewed sense of priority and normalcy has descended on our family. We no longer spend 30 hours a week driving. I no longer sleep in the car. We no longer worry where our next meal comes from because we are confidant that it comes from the Lord. We have returned to the land of the living and are no longer ashamed of our circumstances. God has placed us here for a reason. He has placed people in our lives for a purpose. He has placed situations in our path for His Glory and His alone. 2008 was a long road for my family and it helped mold us into who we are today. It also helped focus our hearts on where we are going and who we are serving in 2009. I pray that 2008 was just as revealing to you and yours.
When the kids came back home last Sunday (12/28) they were dieing to open presents but because of complicated schedules we needed to wait until New Years Day to actually celebrate Christmas so that Grandma and Uncle Billy could be with us. Because of their great attitudes we decided to let them open their gifts from Santa on Monday. They were very excited to see that Santa brought them Webkinz...and very content to wait until 1/1 to open the rest. :)
New Years Eve: This was a crazy day for us. Scott had treatment in the morning and evening and was almost sent to the ER because of his BP. Thankfully, he recovered enough to come home and enjoy the night with us. Uncle Billy brought Grandma to our house so she could spend the night and we had lots of fun celebrating our end to 2008! We had a delicious dinner of beef kabobs, stuffed mushrooms and salad followed by TONS of snacks! Scott rested for most of the evening in between our activities.
We started our Party by writing letters for our Time Capsule. We wrote down some of our favorite things...food, colors, smells, books, songs, movies and so on. Then we wrote down 10 wishes (goals) that we would like to see come true in our life with at least one of them happening in 2009. Scott videotaped us reading our lists so we can watch it next New Years Eve and see how much we have changed. These letters became pretty personal so I will give you a non-mushy random sampling:
I want to be like my dad. (N)
I want to be an artist. (N)
I want to learn to make bacon in 2009. (E)
I want to have a healthy family. (E)
I want to skydive. (A)
I want to learn how to play the drums and piano. (A)
I want to be a policeman. (L)
I want a puppy dog. (L)
I want to create art everyday. (D)
I want to always be close to those I love. (D)
I want to go back to school. (S)
I want to get healthy. (S)
I want to Grow in the Lord. (Gma)
I want to learn to play music. (Gma)
We ended 2008 and welcomed 2009 by playing a special edition of Dawson Charades and competing in a silly Paper Sack Contest. The kids had to stand on one leg, bend over and pick up a paper sack with their mouth. Each turn we cut an inch off the bag...it was great fun watching them balance...and fall...and balance...and fall....we definitely laughed our way into 2009. Lucas was our winner, Autumn took second, Eli took third and Noah took fourth.
Our Christmas celebration started at 3pm and ended around 5:30 pm on Jan. 1st. We took our time and opened gifts one at a time so we could all enjoy each other's gifts. Plus, this makes the fun last that much longer! :) We had a great time with Grandma & Uncle Billy and as usual, laughed all afternoon. Lucas played Santa for about an hour and then Eli took over handing out gifts. We had a wonderful Angel who helped us with Christmas this year and she really blessed our family. We had a great, relaxed day celebrating our Happy Christmas in the Merry New Year!
P.S. Our great friend "Tweety" surprised us at 5:30 and kidnapped me and the kids. She took us to get ice cream and gave us a KC Christmas Light tour...we even ended up at Crown Center in our PJ's!! Lucas was super cute in his PJ's, robe and slippers while running under the Christmas trees. It was a fantastic day with our loved ones.
We didn't have the kids on Christmas eve/day this year so we had a very quiet celebration. Scott and I watched "It's A Wonderful Life" on Christmas eve and stayed warm and snug at home. On Christmas day our good friends Roni & Julie joined us at Grandma's house to celebrate with a delicious dinner compliments of Bill. We had a table full of food! We dined on Ham, Turkey, Beef, Stuffing, Sweet Potatoes, Baked Pumpkin, Fresh Fruit Salad, Watergate Salad, Garlic Mashed Potatoes, Grilled Mushrooms, Holiday Punch, Pumpkin Pie, Brownies, Fudge, Chocolate Dipped Fruit and more...Before the meal we surprised everyone with little gifts and my mom was in a silly mood that day and she decided to wear her gift on her head. I was just lucky enough to capture the moment! We just found out that mom needs open heart surgery in the next few weeks so I really enjoyed seeing her in high spirits. After our delicious dinner Scott took all the girls out to see the movie "7 pounds." It was a wonderful and relaxed Christmas day.
For Christmas, the IV clinic closes for a few days so Scott got to sleep in for the holidays. It sounds like vacation but in reality it is very hard on his body to stop treatment. He felt horrible on Christmas eve and fell asleep at 8pm. He had some ups and downs on Christmas day but overall it was a good day for him. We have been so blessed by God's mercy and grace this year and we are really looking forward to 2009!
