I'm On A Roll...

With all this extra time I have being jobless...and with all the extra hours in a day due to not being able to sleep(!!) and with being snowed in again...I am on a reading and researching roll. In between searching for and applying to any and all jobs I find that remotely fit my background, I have been looking at other bonus/step mom sites. Oh. My. I would have to say that I am THANKFUL that I haven't looked at these before. I think you could really get sucked into that world and come out wearing your victim badge as proud as punch...do people still say that? Hmm...Anyway, did you know that I am a certain type of step mom? I have a label! I am a CHILDLESS stepmom! Wow...I had no idea...I thought that I had 4 kids...hmmm...ok...OH! So because I haven't actually birthed a child I am childless...Ohhhhh....see I thought that I was ONLY a stepmom BECAUSE I had four step kids.... *Scott thinks you might take that paragraph as me being angry so I just want to clarify and say that this does NOT make me angry...I am just sarcastic... *

I just had no idea that someone dissected the types and roles of StepMom's or StepDad's so much. I have seen people use their "labels" (divorcee, female or whatever) to prolong their victimness and because I don't feel like a victim, I guess I don't need to further label myself. I don't normally use the word StepMom because we are rarely in a situation that requires me to announce that. I don't nec. like the word either but I will use it to explain my relationship with the kids if I need to. I'm not sure why I don't like the word, other than the whole evil step mother thing, but I know that when I dreamed of my life I never in a million years thought I would BE a stepmom...so maybe that is why I can handle Bonus Mom better. I didn't even know that term until a year or so ago and the kids liked it too. When someone asks about my kids I usually tell them I am a Bonus Mom and they always say, Bonus Mom? I LIKE that!

I think maybe the best part about finding these step blogs is to settle my heart and mind when our situation gets frustrating. We have a fantastic co-parenting situation compared to 85% of the other steps I have met online. They have horror story after horror story and sometimes it becomes a competition on who has it worse. I am thankful that things only seem to improve as communication gets better and hearts are mended. Divorce is such a nasty thing and it can hurt for a very long time...even if you filed first or feel justified in your decision. It really messes with your self worth and that may be the hardest thing to get over.

In some of my reading today I found a Bill of Rights for Children of Divorce. I think both sides have done pretty well in our case, though I see a few things that could have been handled better in the past and some that need to be handled better in the future.

1. The right not to be asked to "choose sides" or be put in a situation where I would have to take sides between my parents.
2. The right to be treated as a person and not as a pawn, possession or a negotiating chip.
3. The right to freely and privately communicate with both parents.
4. The right not to be asked questions by one parent about the other.
5. The right not to be a messenger.
6. The right to express my feelings.
7. The right to adequate visitation with the non-custodial parent which will best serve my needs and wishes.
8. The right to love and have a relationship with both parents without being made to feel guilty.
9. The right not to hear either parent say anything bad about the other.
10. The right to the same educational opportunities and economic support that I would have had if my parents did not divorce.
11. The right to have what is in my best interest protected at all times.
12. The right to maintain my status as a child and not to take on adult responsibilities for the sake of the parent's well being.
13. The right to request my parents seek appropriate emotional and social support when needed.
14. The right to expect consistent parenting at a time when little in my life seems constant or secure.
15. The right to expect healthy relationship modeling, despite the recent events.
16. The right to expect the utmost support when taking the time and steps needed to secure a healthy adjustment to the current situation.
17. The right to be allowed to love the new bonus parent(s) in their lives without being made to feel guilty.