Holy Woman : Tender Moment

Eli has given me the sweetest gift this week. He created an image on my mp3 player that says Holy Woman. He was beaming with pride when he showed it to me last night and it made my heart melt. He made it a few weeks ago and I had forgotten about it until he brought it back up on our way home from the hospital. He held my hand in the car on the way home and when I asked him why he wrote that he told me that is what he thinks I am. Have I mentioned lately how much I LOVE being their bonus mom?

Earlier that night we had all had a conversation about how the boys had gone thru different stages in their lives with being a mamma's boy & a daddy's boy. Eli said that he always thought he was a daddies boy but now feels that he is both...so later it dawned on me that I didn't clarify whether he was a Dawma's boy or not...so when I asked him he said very slowly...I SAID I was a Daddy's boy AND a Mamma's boy didn't I? There he goes again...warming my old, jaded heart. I have enjoyed being their mamma so much. They really make life worth living, don't they?

Her Heart Is A Train Wreck...

My heart is breaking tonight because it seems like another dream has been shattered. My mom has been fighting for her life for the past 105 days and we thought we were seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Now I feel like we have been blinded and that light was really the headlight of a train and we are involved in a horrible, painful, never ending train wreck. 

The train wreck started with two little words: nursing home. The dr. said she was no longer a candidate for the rehab facility and that she needed to be placed in a nursing home. They do not believe that she will be able to return home. I spent a few hours with mom tonight and she is so broken and sad. Her one hope and motivation has been to get back to her house. She designed and built that house with her own two hands. She spent thousands of hours sanding, painting, installing fixtures, cabinets, flooring and finishing every room in that house. She would teach school all day, feed her family and then go out to the farm to work on the house. She would work till 1 and 2 in the morning and then come home to sleep for 4 hours so she could go back to school. She put her heart and soul into that house and did the work by herself because my dad was too sick and disabled to help. She lovingly made that house and she wanted to spend the rest of her days in her sanctuary. Now, her hope has been taken from her and her spirit is broken. She doesn't know what to do and I certainly do not know what to do. I feel her loss and I have been mourning with her all evening. 

She told me that she needed to give up her art and that it wasn't a priority anymore. For my mom to say that means that she is giving up LIFE. She lives and breathes art. Her mind is constantly working on her next art project and how she can glorify God with her talent. She uses her art to start religious/spiritual/moral conversations and art is her life. I am shocked, saddened and horrified that her life has come down to this. She is way too young to be sent to a nursing home and I feel inadequate to handle all the new responsibility that is coming my way. I am trying to take each day as it comes but I am afraid my heart can't take much more. God is certainly sustaining me but it hurts to breathe. I wish that I could take the physical pain away from my mom and bear her suffering. I know Christ already did that but I also know that this knowledge does not take away her pain. How do you comfort someone who is suffering and there is no earthly cure? How do you show them the grace, mercy and love that they desperately need when they are blinded by pain and fear, fighting for every breath?

It has been an honor for me to care for my mom while she has been sick. I look forward to our evenings and spend my time loving on her. Even when I am exhausted and don't think I can keep my eyes open for the drive, I am encouraged by her company. We made such big plans. She planned a celebration party. We planned her life. We made a list of things she wanted to do. I am afraid she will never get to start this list let alone finish it and I mourn that loss with her. I have learned so much about her and what I am capable of, during this time. I am definitely her daughter and have learned from her example. I have never had to deal with this level of personal care before but none of it bothers me anymore. I used to be embarrassed for her because I had to care for her as a child but once I realized she would rather have me do these things, than a cold, heartless nurse (I know, not all nurses are heartless but you haven't met the ones we have...) I never hesitated again. Her care has been questionable at times so I am thankful that I lived close enough to the hospital to be able to be there 99% of the time.

She is a priceless woman. She is a godly woman. Please pray for her spirit and her heart. Please pray for God's mercy and His guidance as we take this one day at a time.

A Day With Lucas

While Noah & Eli are at camp, we got to spend a little extra time with Lukey Duke. He has always been fascinated with police officer's/police cars & firemen/firetrucks and when he got to use the fire hose at VillageFest he decided that he wanted to be a Fireman. We thought he would enjoy a tour of our local fire station so he could see what the job would entail. He was enthralled! Fireman Steve gave us an extensive tour and removed every tool from the truck and explained each item to Lucas. If you know anything about Lucas, you know that he LOVES tools. Grandma bought him his own tool bag and it is full of both plastic and real tools. He pulls them out all the time and walks around the house looking for things to fix. He is very detail oriented and wants to know how everything works. When Steve told us that his Firetruck was one BIG TOOL BOX...you should have seen the grin on Lucas' face! *I apologize for the quality of my photos. I finally got a new phone (so you no longer have to be on speaker phone for me to hear you!! and I won't hang up on you 5 times during our conversation!!) and I am trying to figure out the camera & video camera...it's handy but not as nice as my usual camera.

This is the new fire truck. We got to see the tools on this truck but Lucas is still worried that he missed something cool on the older truck

It has a flag painted on the front with a new twirly light that flashes red, white & blue while the whole thing turns round & round. Very distracting when you are trying to get out of the way but the shiny lights keep pulling you back in....must...look...away...

Lucas got to go inside and see all the gear & gadgets they use.

Steve is showing Lucas a thermal sensor gun that they use when they go into buildings that are filled with smoke. This shows them if there are people or animals inside because it picks up images of our body heat. He is demonstrating by aiming it at daddy.

This is what Lucas looks like. This even tells you their body temperature!

Tools, tools and more tools...

This is the old truck...

Tons and tons of extra hoses. Don't want to run out of this in the middle of a fire!

Nicely hidden under a flap in the back. Each of those metal plates opened up to reveal a hidden compartment. One of them held a 40 & 20 foot ladder. It really was a huge tool box!

This was Steve's favorite toy tool- a Sawzall.

This cool compartment carries the axes. As Steve was explaining all the different types and what they could be used for...he mentioned that they call the big yellow axe (on the top right) the KEY TO THE CITY...and that made Lucas laugh! We agreed, it would get you into any building you wanted it to...We also got to see the jaws of life and Steve explained how they use that on cars. It was a very educational trip for all of us and we had a great time!

Westin State Park: 2007

The boys are still at camp and we are missing them! Daddy, Autumn & I wrote them cards so they could be packed in their suitcases and we can't wait to hear about their week. The house is way too quiet when they are not here. Here are some photo collages from one of our trips to Westin State Park in 2007. We love to walk the trails here and even taught Lucas how to spell his name on one of those walks back in 2006.

Flashback to 2007: Bunnies

Noah & Eli are away at camp right now so I thought I would post 3 adorable photos from early 2007. Shadow found a nest of bunnies and then Grandma rescued them from him...the boys had a great time holding the new born bunnies before Grandma put them back.

I love his expression! If you click on the photo you can get a close up of his split lip...He got 6 or 7 stitches...and is quite proud of his scar.

Fruit Update

It has been 2 weeks since we started our Fruit of the Spirit Jar and we are pretty happy with the result. It is steadily filling up with rocks as the kids learn and practice the 9 attributes. I worked with each of the boys this week and they now all know the verse. I used a silly camp song to get it to "stick."

The fruit of the Spirit's not (fill in the blank with any fruit HERE) a Coconut...The fruit of the Spirit's not a Coconut...If you want to be a Coconut, you might as well hear it...You can't be a fruit of the Spirit...The fruit is Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness & Self Control...Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness & Self Control....FRUIT SALAD!! (I added fruit salad after we sang it 20 times because it seemed appropriate..and now it's like our CHARGE!)

We decided to use our time at the dinner table as an extension of the jar. We ask everyone (including adults) what Fruit they showed that day, to whom and with what action. Then we ask them what was the hardest Fruit for them to show that day and why. Then we ask how they could have shown it. Our last questions deal with what Fruit we are going to work on for tomorrow. We have had some great conversations this week and a lot of them have dealt with self- control. We had 2 kids working on that today and they won some battles and caved for others. I wasn't sure how this was going to work out but I am really happy with the result. Not only has it impacted the kids but it has touched our hearts as well. Scott and I answer the same questions as the kids and it has been a real eye opener. I am working on Joy. The kids told me that I didn't need to do that because I am happy all the time so we tried to explain the difference between happiness and joy. Lately, I let life's problems suck the joy out of my heart. I worry about all the what-if's, compare myself to others & grumble about things I can't control. I really want to find Joy in everyday things so I can teach our kids the same...I think it will ultimately come down to the attitude I choose. So...what Fruit are you working on?

I thought I would leave you with a fun photo from May 2006. A(9), N(7), E(5), L(3) with our Foreign Exchange students Martin (Germany) & Mina (Japan).

Lunch & Visits With Grandma

Grandma has had 4 sweet babies praying for her since Dec. 08 when they first found her severe heart murmur. The kids pray for her at lunch, dinner and bedtime and they fight discuss who gets to go with me each evening. I have really enjoyed the one on one time with each of the kids because they really have a chance to shine when you remove the temptation to compete.

This last week I loved my time with Eli as we snuck in a snack, loved on Grandma and then went shopping for her. He was such a great helper although I may never let him push the cart again...I lost A LOT of skin...and my achilles is still sore...poor Eli felt so horrible as I limped my way thru the store and if I grimaced...it only made him feel worse...so I tried not to but owww. It was the worst shopping cart/heel accident we have ever seen...ug.i.lee On a side note, Eli is a great conversationalist! He is interesting, has great opinions, holds his own and keeps people entertained. Not only that, but he genuinely listens when he is talking to you (just like his daddy)! I told him that someday his wife was going to love that...which made him grin from ear to ear. He is so loving and sweet and I love his early morning, mid-morning, lunch-time, post lunch, early afternoon, evening and bedtime "watch-out-I'm-Jumping-In-Your-Arms" hugs! I will never be too old for those...even when I'm 90.

Lucas and I tried to visit Grandma on Tuesday but we had to make a run to Ottawa and it became too late to see her. He was so disappointed as he wanted to spend some time with her in her new "rehab" home. We had to go to her house and that actually made him sad. He said the poor house was all alone...it had no one to turn it's lights on, run the water, flush the toilet or use the kitchen cause Grandma was in the hospital. He said the house must be sad. He keeps telling us that he wants to move back in with Grandma. He misses her house and all the fun we had with her. He misses Shadow and Chloe too. We had a lot of good times living with Grandma and I loved it when they would run in the door calling her name. That house is filled with Grandma's love and the kids know they are safe.

Noah has been my biggest helper while Grandma was still at OMC. He wanted to go every night just to see her, talk to her, help her and see what funny things she would say. :) Most of that was due to drugs but funny nonetheless. We had many one on one adventures and even got stuck in the hospital during a swine flu scare. He became a pro at helping Grandma and even helped her walk down the hall the week we left. Grandma thinks he should be a doctor...

Autumn hasn't had an opportunity to see Grandma as much as the boys but it is fun when us girls get to be together. She talks non-stop but just showers Grandma with love and grace. I love her sweet heart! She was the first one to see Grandma at Rehab and we all worked on a skit that she needed to memorize. I love how being a step-grandparent never comes into play. Grandma has always been Grandma, with no fighting over her title and what the kids are allowed to call her. Grandma has always loved them unconditionally and they have responded with fierce loyalty. They are amazing kids!

After months of YOU praying for her and for us...we were able to spend an hour with Grandma while eating lunch with her at Rehab! It was very exciting for all the kids and for Scott and me. I wanted to (of course) document the event and let you see her out of the hospital and alive! We all stopped in to see her on Tuesday and as we left she invited us to come back on Wed. We pre-ordered our meals and had our own dining room/restaurant experience. Grandma was in pretty good spirits (her migraine was almost gone) and the kids had great table manners. I was so proud of them! They even ate tomatoes without complaining! WooHoo! They are such sweet boys and they sure love their Grandma. I am so thankful for these moments...please bear with me as I will say that many, many times...

Swimming, Movies, Fountains & a Basket of Socks...

We had a surprise planned for the kids last Friday that included time with our favorite "adopted" family. Libby & Jake (Emma's siblings) and their cousins Sarah & Elise came to swim with us at our PV pool. I took 8 kids to the pool and they had a great time! We ate dinner together and then went to Crown Center to watch the FREE outdoor movie. After the movie, the kids played in the fountains and we didn't want the night to end. It was a great day with our favorite family!

Notice Autumn's mismatched socks...it's the latest craze... :)


Lucas with his favorite Libby.


Awww...do they look sweet together or what?


We love hanging out with you guys!

P.S. I forgot to mention one of my favorite parts of the evening!! I got the kids to work on our sock basket (if you have a big family, you know what this is...and you know it's horrible!!) All 8 kids sorted, matched and folded socks...I heard angels singing...it was glorious! :)

Prison Break...

July 6- Last night at OMC.

I am happy to report that my mom was released from her prison room at OMC after 87 days! Open heart surgery has been quite the experience. This normal 5 day hospital stay has turned into a lifetime for her and she is ready to move on. After 1 open heart surgery, a NEW mitral valve leak created after surgery, 2 pacemakers, 5 pacemaker surgeries and being brought back from the brink of death...we are moving on! Thank you God! She is now in a rehab facility near OMC and seems to be getting stronger every day. After being in bed for 3 months, I was very pleased to see her sitting up in bed waiting for me on the day of her release. She even dressed herself! I know it is hard to imagine but that is a huge step for her! The nurses said that she had been waiting on the edge of her bed for almost 2 hours. We had lots of visitors stop in to say goodbye. Nurses who had worked with her the week before were amazed at her progress and we even had to wait on her heart surgeon to check her one last chest xray before we could leave. He said that the xray looked better than he had imagined it would and that mom could leave. We were nervous but excited for the next step.

She has done pretty well at the rehab facility and does rehab 2-3 hrs a day. She was sick to her stomach 2 days ago and that lead to a migraine yesterday. Needless to say, that has slowed down her rehab a little bit but she continues to push herself every day. They have a nice cafeteria where all 17 of the patients meet and the kitchen is stocked with drinks & snacks. She really likes the nurses & staff and has a nice room to herself. She does not feel she is getting stronger but she can stand up/sit down, wheel herself to the bathroom, use the bathroom (no commode, yeah!), feed herself, dress/undress herself. I know that this is MAJOR progress but she still feels it is too slow. Something has happened to her right hand as well and she has been unable to use it like she did pre-op. She is learning to do more left handed but can't draw like she wants to. I am praying that she will be able to use that arm/hand again. I give her a shower every other day, do her hair, rub her back, legs and feet and do the extra things that she is not strong enough to do yet. I am a nervous ninny now and ask her if she is ok every time she moves too slow, grimaces or is quiet too long. I need to learn to relax and not be afraid that her heart is going to stop anymore. Please keep praying for her strength to return and for her heart to be at peace where she is right now. We love you all and appreciate your prayers, cards, calls & food. You have been a huge blessing to our family!

Fireworks, Grandma & the Great Escape!

After the kids went to their mom's house, Scott and I had an early dinner and then I headed to the hospital to watch the fireworks with my mom. We didn't know it, but OMC is a popular spot to watch the local fireworks show and we joined in the festivities. Mom was feeling so good that when the show started, and we realized we couldn't see from her room, we hijacked a wheelchair and made our way downstairs. I found a side door, that had been propped open with a shoe of a lab tech and we made our way to the parking lot to watch the show. It was nice and cool and it was a great way for us to end our evening. I am so thankful that my mom is still here and we got to share this holiday together!

Happy 4th of July

We had a great 4th of July this year. Scott had Fri-Sun off from treatment (though he was still on oral antibiotics) so we really enjoyed sleeping in for 3 days and spending time with the boys. We visited Grandma on Friday afternoon and she was doing great. We got her an Independence day surprise (an ice cold Dr. Pepper) and stayed for about an hour. On Saturday we went to the Prairie Village 4th of July celebration a few blocks from our house. We have decided that VillageFest is the BEST family event we have ever been to! We got up at 8am and got to the park by 8:30 to see the Chinook helicopter land. It was so cool! It flew right over us and then slowly made its way to the grassy hill to land. As it got closer to us the water and mud on the ground started flying and we were almost blown away. It was awesome!! I actually caught Noah during the excitement.

We could hear it before we could see it and it was awesome!


We were blown away by the power of the blades! One poor lady was blown over and hit her head. It was so powerful! Can you see the mud flying?


It's still windy but getting better as it's about to land. I think Noah swallowed some mud too. :)


We toured the helicopter...


Dreamed of being in the military and flying...


Lucas told the pilot that he was going to be in the military some day...and the army pilot recommended the air force...It was so awesome to see, hear and feel this helicopter! It was a great start to our day.

Next we went to the climbing wall. Eli wasn't sure he wanted to do it but he joined the other two and they all three did a great job! I could not believe how high they climbed!!

Three nervous boys...

Noah was a little monkey! Do you see all the adults watching him? Daddy and I were so proud! All the adults came over to the left side so they could see the "kid" who was at the top.




Lucas was second and he got up to the third section. He wavers between a daredevil and a keep-your-feet-flat-on-the-ground type of person...but he conquered some fears and had a good short climb.

Eli was the most nervous of the three but once he got started he was on fire. He did such a good job and daddy coached him on foot holds on his way up. We were so proud of him! When we walked away from the tower, daddy and I were beaming with pride! The boys had a great time climbing and wanted to do it again. After the rock wall, we got in line for the Bike Rodeo. Head Strong for Jake & the KU Hospital were giving away bike helmets to the first 350 kids to sign up. The boys each had their bikes inspected, fixed (tires, bolts and whatever needed help) by Trek America, got fitted for a new helmet and participated in an obstacle course where they learned bike safety, signals and etiquette. After the 40 minute bike rodeo we joined daddy who was trying to cool off in the shade.

We enjoyed the petting zoo & saw a kangaroo...


Then we headed over to see Mr. Stinky Feet. Scott has been friends with Jim & his wife Jeni for about 10 years and we try to catch their show whenever we can. We are planning a dinner with Mr. & Mrs. Stinky Feet in the coming weeks so I'll let you know how that goes too.

After watching some of the show and getting balloon animals, we headed back home so Scott could rest. He really struggled being at the park in the heat and humidity but he enjoyed spending time with the boys outside. I am always so proud of his attitude. He is always more worried about those around him and doesn't show how much pain he is in. He is such an amazing man! Eli, Lucas and I decided to go back to the park while Scott rested at home in the AC with Noah.

The boys played a game with the water hoses at the Fire station. They had to aim the water spray at the barrel and try to push it to the other side...the poor fire fighters stayed in those chairs all day long...


Lucas has a great aim...which helped him beat Eli.


Eli wanted to spray Lucas and bypass the barrel but he practiced self control and kept it aimed at the original target..though we found out later that Lucas had the very same thought! I'm sure the fire fighters would have loved that!


After getting soaked with the hoses we got some free lemonade on our way to the inflatable water slides. They really bounced their way down the slide and Eli was so fast I didn't capture the moment...but they both enjoyed landing in the pool at the bottom.

After all that fun we enjoyed a delicious lunch of hot dogs, baked chips, gatorade and a world famous brownie. On our way to the car we tried one more water game where they got to put out a fire with the water hose. They both enjoyed learning how to use the water hose and now Lucas is wavering between being a Police Officer & a Fire Fighter when he grows up. The cool firetruck may seal the deal though...

That self proclaimed World Famous Brownie was as big as the paper plate and so yummy!

Happy 4th of July!!

We had a great day of family fun at VillageFest and will definitely go back next year! It was the best FREE family festival we have ever been to. The lines were short and the activities were everywhere. What a great way to celebrate the 4th!