My heart is aching right now but I don't feel like this is the place to share the details of the situation. But, just so you know, my heart hurts. My stomach is tied up in knots and I cried tonight. My husband is a very loving husband and I am so proud of him. One of the things I am most proud about is who he is as a FATHER. He really is amazing. He has a parenting philosophy that he developed early on and he is always very consistent in that. Consistency is so important when it comes to your kids...and it is the emotional consistency that creates healthy adults. I am so proud of my husband for creating a safe haven for these babies. Yes, even at 14, 12, 10 & 8 they are my babies. They still need to be protected. They need to be loved, hugged on, listened to and encouraged. Leaving them unattended because you can't be bothered while you watch your soap opera's or reality tv is not love. Ignoring their emotional needs is abusive. Manipulating them because you don't know how to deal with your own emotional mess is cruel and unusual. Don't our children deserve more than that? Don't they deserve our love, attention, respect, encouragement and guidance even when we are tired, exhausted, spent or grumpy?
They are growing, changing, learning and seeking every day. They see more than we know. They hear more than we know. They feel hostility, anger, frustration, apathy and denial in facial expressions and in the tone of our voices. They know. We can't hide it from them. They know when they are not a priority and it hurts them deeply. I am so thankful for a husband who does a fantastic job of making our kids his priority. He loves them. He encourages them. He disciplines them. He showers them with grace and mercy. He established relationships with them based on love and respect. He listens to them. He deals with issues as a loving daddy showing unconditional love. The kids all know that no matter what they do...Daddy will always love them. Daddy won't beat them up over their mistakes but he will be firm with his discipline. He will listen to their viewpoints and correct where it is needed. He is just an amazing father and I am so proud of him. I am proud of him for fighting for his babies when ugly people tried to take them away or undermine their relationship. I am proud of him for fighting Lyme disease each time it rears its ugly head. I am proud of him for not giving up when he was close to death and I am so proud of him for choosing life.
It is because of him that one child said they love it here because they always feel encouraged. And why another child said our home feels more like their home than anywhere else. I know that things are only going to get more complicated as these kids get older but I know that my husband is the BEST man for the job. I wish I could tell you more but just know that I am so PROUD of my husband and his heart!
Saturday, February 19, 2011
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3 comments:
So sweet. I'm sorry you're hurting, old friend.
A parent's job is to teach their children how to be good adults. Our impulse may be to shield them from the "evils" and difficulties of this world, but it is far more valuable to give them the tools they will need to be healthy, well-adjusted people. These beautiful kids are often mentally and emotionally manipulated. Yet, I'm not worried. Why? Because they KNOW they are being manipulated. This effectively removes the power of the manipulator! They are bombarded with the message that "love" equates to "stuff". There are regular attempts to control them through the not-so-stealthy use of tears and harmful words, including vulgar language. They see this junk coming at them from a mile away. It would almost be humorous if wasn't so sad to hear them explain this or that tactic that a couple family members have used, then to hear THEM explain to ME why this or that was silly, confusing or sometimes hurtful. They are critical thinkers and I couldn't be more proud of them.
You can't shield them from physical harm by locking them indoors, but you can teach them how to spot the danger signs of heavy traffic or suspicious strangers. This may slightly decrease the "mystery" of the world around them, but they will at least survive. The same is true when it comes to protecting children emotionally. Keeping kids emotionally dependent, intellectually "unspoiled" by knowledge, makes them emotionally and intellectually handicapped. So when a budding, naturally curious, preteen stumbles onto the more "unwholesome" aspects of life, my job is to be the safest place he or she can turn to for unconditional love, support, encouragement and most of all, INFORMATION. Most of us were taught that "perfect love casts out fear". Sounds pretty and makes one feel wise to say it. However, the truth is that KNOWLEDGE casts out fear. Ignorance feeds and depends on fear. Kids have a lifetime to acquire data, but I can teach them now, even the 8 year old, how to THINK. How to ask the right questions and to NEVER be satisfied with "because I said so".
With the unfailing help, love and support of my amazing wife, the author of this blog, I am raising fantastic kids to become EXCEPTIONAL adults who recognize that there are those who thrive on drama and to stay away from them, if not physically, then certainly mentally.
You have so beautifully described the loving father your husband is to your children. Your Heavenly Father is so loving of you. He knows your pain and He understands those things you cannot put words to. He wants you to rest in His embrace. Maybe He sent me your way so encourage you today. My name is Ann.
www.heartexpressions.org
God bless you!
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