A Very Honest Post

So, I just wrote a really long post about our "joint household" frustration and missing the boys' Field Day...but after angrily typing for 10 minutes...I think it is probably best NOT to post it. Suffice it to say, we were told Field Day was cancelled, by all 3 boys but found out today that they actually did have it. My heart hurts because we missed it. Not because we are competing on what parent attends what event...but because it is fun, we enjoy it and the boys like us to be there. As a bonus mom, I am tired of trying so hard. I am tired of showing kindness when all I get in return is a cold shoulder unless something is wanted of me. I am not that kind of person and would never "not" share activity details because it wasn't my responsibility to do so...I have shared info many times just to be sure it was known. I am sad that this is where we are after 5 years. I am frustrated at the superficialness of it all. I am not a fake person and I can't pretend someone doesn't exist just because they are the "bonus" or the "x". My focus is the kids and no matter how we are treated, I will continue to love them and help create an emotionally healthy environment for them. We won't teach them to be fake but to show kindness in all areas...uncomfortable or not.

Happy Mother's Day!

Thank you for all of the sweet fb and text messages wishing me Happy Mother's Day today. The boys made my day by calling to say, Happy Mother's Day (thank you) and Scott and I spent most of the day doing "loft" things. Mom is still feeling horrible and spent most of her day in bed. :( Her shingles are at the painful stage and they "stab" her 2-5 times a day. When the pain hits it knocks the breath out of her, she cries, cringes and holds her breath and all of that is causing her to lose her appetite. My poor mom is a miserable lady right now.

My brother Gary sent mom a gorgeous white flower arrangement and then we brought mom some flowers from her own garden. She loves her home in the country, loves to garden and loves her flowers...so since she couldn't enjoy it this year we brought her garden to her. She is so gracious, even in the midst of her pain and she lights up when we talk about the loft. She is so creative and with 7 rentals to keep up, she has become a renaissance woman. She likes to talk about the different materials we can reuse or create and that seems to help her get thru some of her days.

I have been focused on my mother for the past 13 months and I have learned many valuable lessons along the way. I have learned more about her personality, heart, sweet spirit, funny bone and personal quirks than I have ever known before. Many things I knew but I didn't KNOW...I have been by her side almost every single day for this entire heart saga and I have cried buckets of tears. I have mourned the loss of her life (as she knew it), mourned a pace maker (I know, strange.), cried with her, laughed with her, tried to comfort her, rejoiced with her and encouraged her...and in many respects we have switched roles this year. I have been the one who has been consistent, encouraging, strong willed, stubborn and flexible. I have taken all the things that I have learned from my mother in the past 32 years and made them my own. I have embraced her strengths and done my best to meet her needs.

I have experienced fear more this year than ever before, been on my knees begging God for her precious life and making myself sick with worry over her life. In my heart I knew (and know) that God loves her more than I do and He is the giver of LIFE. If it was HIS will for her to be here then she would be here...but that is so much easier to say...and in that struggle I was broken, became more aware of my weaknesses and adamant on showing the kids God's love, mercy, grace and faith... This year has really given me that opportunity to provide that safe shelter in the storm for her healing and recovery. I discovered strengths that I did not know I had...and was reminded of the strong woman who had taught me so much.

Sometimes I have those moments where I say something and then pause....as I realize that is SO something my mom would say...and I cringe...and then there are those moments when I realize that is SO what my mother would say and I am proud. Mom, you are one remarkable woman who has surprised me (and so many others) this past year with your strength, determination and spirit. You have taught me about love, life and Jesus your entire life and I am so THANKFUL that you are still here to teach me more. I love you!

Eli's Favorite Activities: Dancing & Creative Writing

Here it is Sunday night and another week has flown by. This week was busier than last week and I haven't even finished blogging about that one yet! My sweet hubby flew back on Wednesday and I was soo happy to see him. He is such a sweetheart and we texted all week long but there is nothing like a hug from him to melt my worries away. PLUS... I really like him! :)

We were at the school several times this week in between planning our loft project, business meetings, job interviews and taking care of mom. On Thursday Eli had his long awaited Road Rally performance sponsored by the KC Ballet. The Reach Out And Dance curriculum relates dance to geography, math, and other classroom subjects. They incorporate dance moves into learning and the kids learn confidence, have fun and get to perform at the end of the year. Since I had a job interview at the same time I had to miss it but luckily I watched him rehearse last week when I was at the school. Eli is a natural dancer and boogies all over our house...all the time....for entertainment, for a laugh, for candy, for encouragement...you name it. I think he gets his sunshiny character and sassy dance moves from his sweet daddy. :)

Good Job Eli! I think Road was great for your self confidence cause you are no longer that shy little 4th grader that I remember from last August....hahahahahah

Eli was the star this week because we got to see him two times while at school. The boys constantly ask for more time with us and now that Scott isn't getting "chemo" like therapy 6 hours a day we can sneak over to the school during his good moments. The boys LOVE it when daddy shows up! On Friday, we went to Eli's 4th Grade Writers Tea to hear him read a few of his creative writing pieces. That boy has one great imagination!

My favorite story was called, "My Success", and it showcased quite the imagination...My favorite lines were, "A bad attitude tastes like bad milk. It feels like some slimy alien eyeball type thing." Also, "Pride is as big as the Pacific Ocean. It acts like a smile(y) face. A good attitude is as big as the universe with 10 million planets. It acts like a giant wave." Great Job Eli! You are so smart and take after your daddy!

Those Amazing Parenting Moments

One of the things I have learned about parenting is that it can often be a thankless job. While my husband thanks me, appreciates me and willingly helps me.....the kids usually have to be reminded. Two of the four kids volunteer on a regular basis and we make a game out of chores but for the most part they are all very willing to help when I ask.

Even better than willing hearts are those moments when you realize that your kids LISTEN to you and FOLLOW your advice. We are big on communication at our house. The kids have never thrown tantrums and we have always taught them to use their words. Early on, they loved it when we would demonstrate a tantrum and see if they could interpret what we wanted by the sound of our whines, grunts and growls. If they were tired and headed towards a whinefest-tantrum-meltdown this usually averted the train wreck and we could talk about what they wanted/needed/felt. They all can have their moments when they are tired but they really do very well at communicating...and I'm not just saying that cause I helped make them that way. :)

Today, Eli told me about one of those moments and it made me cry. Eli is just like his daddy...genuine, empathetic, loyal, sweet, big heart, caring, funny and intelligent. We have some great moments and in the past two weeks he has asked for some special one-on-one time with me. We usually take a walk with the puppies and talk about life. He has had some girl issues lately and during our walk he opened up about an incident that happened with some of his friends and how his best(girl)friend misunderstood who had said what. He was upset that she would think he would say "such-n-such" and he really missed his best friend. Now, we had talked about this before but this time we talked more about her and what she must be feeling. I thought she was embarrassed and that had turned into frustration....which manifested itself as giving Eli dirty looks.

You might remember my favorite book, "Love and Respect" by Emerson Eggerichs. It is a fantastic book and I have used its principals in my marriage and in parenting. Eli and I have talked a lot about Love and Respect, boys and girls and how God made us different. We discussed that his best friend probably did not feel very loved when she heard about the conversation (not that I am promoting 4th grade love), which hurt and that made her mad. Eli then compounded the problem by telling her she was playing Basketball wrong. You have to love a guy who at 9 is already trying to "fix" our problems and even though his heart was in the right place...she didn't take it very well! This week he tried a different approach. This week he took my advice and apologized to her at recess. He told her that he was sorry she was embarrassed by the conversation and he was sorry for telling her she played basketball wrong. He said, "I'm sure it didn't make you feel very loved to have me tell you, you were doing it wrong and I'm sorry." THIS MADE ME CRY! He said that she opened up right away and said that he was right. That apology led to a conversation about her family and how they make her feel. He was so happy that his best friend was talking to him again and I was SOOO PROUD that my 9 year old had listened, communicated and done the right thing. He has had many of these moments at school this year and I am just so proud of who he is. So, So, PROUD!

Brookside Art Festival, Robots and Art

There were hundreds of booths with some awesome art! I love that about KC.

Our busy week (which someday I will finish blogging about) ended in a nice, artsy weekend. I took the kids to the Brookside Art Festival where we spent a couple hours wandering thru the outdoor tent admiring local and regional artwork. We saw some amazing things and we were all inspired to make some art. Since there is a warehouse in our future (more on that later) we are pretty excited about the art studio we can set up. One of our favorite booths had Robots made of junk...spoons, forks, nuts, bolts, bike handles, pots and other kitchen accessories. They were awesome! We decided that we wanted to make our own so when Autumn and I went back again that night...we took a photo to help us get started.

Aren't they adorable? They look like they came out of the movie Robots and I am so excited to see what we can create!

After the boys left, Autumn and I went back to check out all the other booths we had missed earlier. We took the new puppy the first time around and were stopped every two minutes...because they all LOVED him....did I mention we have a new puppy yet? Hmmm, must be one of those things I need to blog about! Anyway, we spent another 3 hours being inspired and having a girls night out. We rented a movie, got dessert, made hot wings for a midnight snack (her idea- made daddy proud!) and had a great time with Grandma. We got to sleep in on Sunday (except for me and the puppies getting up at 5:30 and 7:30), watched another great movie, started packing and even made it to the Y. I really enjoy my special time with the kids and love it when they open up about life. Being a bonus mom can be very rewarding...

Marriages and Baggage

My husband flew to Florida last week for his sister's wedding. With prepping, packing and delivering him to the airport, I thought a lot about, "baggage". We all have it. We cling to it out of fear, using it as a life preserver that ironically just pulls us down. We hide it. We repackage it to cover its ugliness and hope no one looks under the bow. There are some people who are proud of their baggage and stand on it to proclaim their victim status. They like the attention that their "hardships" bring them and they just can't break free from the attachment. Family and friends eat this up and continue the cycle by referencing the baggage and how far they have come...it seems like we just can't leave our baggage at home...or better yet...have it lost during flight...

When I chose to become a bonus parent I knew that there were some carry on items we were going to be dealing with but I wasn't prepared for what I did with his baggage. Before we were married we discussed EVERYTHING...and I do mean everything. I know all of the struggles, hardships, frustrations, manipulations and deceit that occurred during his marriage...on both sides and I find myself struggling with some of these things. I find myself having a hard time forgiving people who hurt my husband and the four kids I now love. Is that crazy? I have a hard time forgiving physical abuse, emotional abuse, manipulation, hurtful words, hurtful actions and even parental alienation. I know I wasn't there for these events but I know how they affected my husband. I have even seen how some of those events continue to affect my husband (after 15 yrs) and that in turn affects me....and I subconsciously took his baggage and made it my own.

In the midst of my frustrations I can see that I am angry about circumstances that I had and have no control over. In struggling to forgive, I can see that dwelling on the past is not healthy and even if hearts had never changed...it would be best to forgive them. I have learned the most out of life when I humble myself and accept the grace, mercy and forgiveness that God offers me and in knowing how much I have been forgiven...it is only right to offer that same forgiveness to others. I think this forgiveness thing may need to be a daily process though because it is scary to let your guard down when you don't trust someones actions or intentions and you assume the worst...but again...I have no control over anyone else but me...and I don't need or want extra baggage. So, if you see me skipping down the sidewalk this summer it is because I am light as a feather and have left OUR baggage at the terminal!

Eli's Strings Concert

On Thursday morning I chaperoned for OPE's 4th, 5th & 6th grade Strings classes and took them to their early morning rehearsal. And by take them I mean I rode the bus with them. :) There were about 400 hundred students from the SM school district playing in the Strings concert and the whole music program is just amazing! It was great to help with the setup and then watch the schools practice for the first time together. The 4th graders did an outstanding job listening, waiting and practicing.

I mouthed to Eli (during rehearsal) that I was texting Daddy so he gave me a great big smile to send to Florida.

 Later that night, we watched the Elem. Beginning Strings (Eli), Elem. Advanced Strings, West Strings, Combined Westridge Orchestras, Combined West Area Orchestras, Symphonic Strings and their Philharmonic Orchestra perform for an hour. I just love hearing the progression from each level. The HS group was outstanding! We noticed a lot of crossover from the Tuesday night concert. There were a lot of HS students in the band, jazz band and philharmonic orchestra. Eli has plans to switch to the bass next year and we had an opportunity to see those huge things up close. It was a great concert and this time Noah helped me take the photos. Since Scott couldn't be there for this concert, I recorded some video so he wouldn't miss out. It was a great performance!

There was a tricky part to the very last performance when they were ending the, "March from 'Carmen'"....the kids were to play the bow from end to tip 3 times and continue the long stroke back out to the tip and end with raising their bow. Eli and I practiced all morning and several times before the performance. He was so nervous that he was going to mess it up but after several practice shots...he was dead on and ended it perfectly! Great job Eli! Daddy and I are so proud of all you have learned and accomplished in Strings!

Noah's 5th grade band concert

We had such a busy week full of music, concerts, field trips, art, puppies, early morning potty breaks and some of us flying to florida,..but since I am here to update the blog you can guess who went to the beach and who stayed home....

Tuesday night was Noah's big night and we enjoyed a 70 minute band concert by the 5th, 6th, J.H. and H.S. bands. Noah looked nice and sharp in his dress clothes and all of his practicing paid off. He did a great job and the group sounded fantastic. It was neat to see the progression from 5th grade on...and the HS band and Jazz band was just amazing! Lucas took most of our photos and it was so good to get to talk to him, hug him and laugh with him during the week. Eli sat with us before the concert and then went back to sit with his mom so she wouldn't be alone. He is very sweet and considerate. We just love being able to see them during the week!

You did a great job Noah and we are very proud of you!

Congrats Aunt Deannie and Uncle Mike!

Since daddy was in Florida playing and singing in Aunt Deannie's wedding...we decided to celebrate their big day with an ice cream cake. It even looked like a mini wedding cake! Happy Wedding Aunt Deannie and Uncle Mike! Welcome to the family Mike, Sydney and Sierra! We can't wait to see you again!

Unconditional Love

Today I am thankful for my MOTHER who means so much to me and our family.

I am blessed that she loves me unconditionally and would never cut me out of her life....

I am thankful that she is a mother-in-law who gives grace, mercy and unconditional support...

I am proud that she is a One-of-a-kind grandmother who has made a lasting impression on the four precious kids in our life...

I am so very thankful that God spared her life. 

She is an amazing woman who wants to serve the Lord in everything she does, who touches lives even in illness and loves everyone around her. She is a strong woman of God and she is priceless...

Grandma with her 4 new grandkids. August 9, 2005.

Hard Heads, Easter Bonnets and the Color Purple....

We have had a busy week here with more and more activities planned for the rest of April & May. The last two months of school are always packed full of musicals, concerts, field days, field trips, outdoor activities and more. This past week Scott and I have been working on a few "projects" and the family is pretty excited about the changes coming next month.

Our first bit of good news is that my mom has finally left the rehab hospital. She was in rehab for about 5 weeks and came home on Thur. She will have home health services where a nurse, physical and occupational therapists come work with her in our home until she passes all of their tests. Once her lungs get strong enough we can wean her off of her bottled oxygen and then she will be ready to move back to her own home. I am surprised at how much she has aged in the past year and at this point she does not look like the 68 yr young woman that she is. I look forward to the day when she can walk without assistance, breath without bottled oxygen and she is able to drive and go back to her beloved home. It has been such a long year for her and I just want her to be healthy. I am so thankful for her life and the extra time we will have together now. Her heart is strong and working great and we are so grateful for that.

Scott and I went to visit mom on Wed. night and mom was gracious enough to model her Easter bonnet that the therapists had her make for therapy...and then my sweet hubby was a good sport and let me take a photo of him...such a fantastic husband!

The bad news with mom is that she fell on Thur. morning before we picked her up from therapy. She got up too fast, became a little dizzy, reached for her wheelchair...and hit the concrete floor when the chair wasn't where it was supposed to be. The nurses called me to warn me of her injury before we picked her up and I am glad they did. She had a huge goose egg above her right eye and her head and right eye were already purple. She was in good spirits and felt pretty good considering....Scott and I ate lunch with her, met her friends, wheeled her around to say goodbye to patients and staff, watched as she got lots of hugs and everyone told us how much they loved her. It was a sweet goodbye. On friday, mom really felt her fall and was in a lot of pain. Both of her eyes were working on swelling and her home nurse made her first visit...and immediately sent us to the ER. We got a CT scan and xrays on her right hip and pelvis. Thankfully, there were no cracks or breaks and they sent us on our way.

I know these photos are graphic but I KNEW the Aunts would want to see it for themselves...She looked pretty good on Thursday but we knew it would grow...and get worse...You can see how it progressed from Thur. to Saturday. Today she only has little slits left for eyes and is in a lot of pain. Although this is another setback for her...at least we know this will pass and she can heal and get strong again. Please pray for her as she sleeps, heals and tries to endure the pain and monotony.

National Everglades Park

On our 3rd full day of vacation, Aunt Kathy and the girls skipped school along with Aunt Vicky and Dominic so we could spend a beautiful day exploring the Florida Everglades. None of the Floridians had been to the Everglades before so they were all excited. It turned out to be a beautiful day and the kids were on HIGH ALERT during the car ride...hoping to spot the first alligator. Once we DID spot our first one...along the road!!...they couldn't wait to get to the park. It was crazy to see alligators along the side of the road and later...a few feet away! What is it with Florida? Sharks? Alligators? Cool!

Kinsey, Lucas, Eli & Noah rode with us so they could do some reading along the way. Once we were in line to enter the park, Kinsey wowed us with her acrobatic skills...doesn't that just make you go, "Ugghhh"? She is such a cute little monkey who we would LOVE to take home with us...and she tried to sneak home with us too...She said she was going to change her last name to Dawson so she could come home with us....Awwww...how sweet is that?

After walking around the Everglades National Park for awhile there was a terrible accident...Kinsey and Lucas got too close to a mean old alligator...and we almost lost them....or at least part of them...

There were a couple times during our walk that made us a little nervous...like when you look down and right next to the road, in the water, is an ALLIGATOR! I added arrows for your Freakin' Out enjoyment...at the end of our walk we walked right by a little body of water and you guessed it...another alligator! You can see how close cousin Dominic was to the alligator...he was told multiple times to get back but took his time obeying. Our kids figured if they were behind Dominic then they were safe...haha...not really that funny. That started a discussion in who would get eaten based on the shoes we were wearing (flip flops, sneakers) and who would be the slowest runner....such great conversations about life! ha *Don't worry, we were very careful and safe on our adventure.

 

 
Next stop was an air boat ride thru the Everglades...best thing ever!

Healthy Hearts & A 5K

We left for FL on Thursday afternoon after school and got to Aunt Kathy's house by 5 pm on Friday. We of course stayed up late getting reacquainted and then up at 6 am for Aunt Deannie's Heart Walk. The kids went last year while Scott and I stayed with Grandma so this year we thought it would be fun to join in too....So after a 25 hour drive and only a few hours of sleep we did a 5K with all of the family. It was great fun and the kids enjoyed the live music, free food, inflatable heart system, inflatable rides and free goodies. It was a lot of fun!

For those of you following along who aren't family but need love knowing what we are up to...the participants were: Kyra, Noah, Eli, Autumn, Scott, Grandma Holly, Lucas, Kinsey, Aunt Kathy & Lady Bug. Not sure what happened to Uncle Thai, Papa, Aunt Deannie or me...

Eli was excited to have another "twin" this year in Grandma...she had red hair! What a cute pair!

Back Row: Anthony, Michael, Eli & Kyra  Front Row: Lucas, Noah, Kinsey, Autumn, Dominic, Sydney

Every night we had big family dinners where almost everyone was in attendance. This is the first time I got almost all of the cousins together for a pic...we are missing Cousins Nicholas, Zachary and soon to be cousin Sierra. She is asleep on the couch behind the kids...she couldn't stay awake long enough for our group shot.

Sharks? Sharks don't scare us Kansan's...

Here we are a month after Spring Break and I haven't shared much of our vacation with you. We had such a great time and fit in so many activities that recapping our trip has been a little overwhelming. Silly, I know. The kids still talk about Florida every week and with Scott going back for his sister's wedding in a few weeks...we are all wishing we were going with him. Noah is really begging for extra time with Scott and is trying to figure out how he can sneak on the plane. Congrats Aunt Deannie on your upcoming wedding to (Mr.) Mike! We all wish we could be there with you! Love you!

On Saturday afternoon we took our first trip to the beach. The water was really calm but we couldn't enjoy it because there was a shark warning...they had spotted 25 sharks earlier in the day and we couldn't swim for almost 2 hours. It was a little weird to see the helicopters flying over checking the water and then to be in the water right after it was all clear...we saw a couple HUGE splashes that we think were sharks but who knows....sharks just freak me out!! There was a private beach next to us and the water was full of bait swimmers...do they think the sharks KNOW where the public beach ends? It was CrAzY!! Anyway, once the waters were "clear" the kids jumped right in and had a great time.

You might notice that the boys are "technically" in the water but since it was right at the edge...we figured they were safe... Besides, we drove all the way from Kansas just to have sand between our toes...and to swallow small mouthfuls of ocean saltiness...we couldn't NOT get our toes wet...or bellys...once we got the all clear the kids got right down to business. I love the ships in the background! I also love the pure joy that are on their faces...those smiles stayed the whole time we were in Florida.

I caught Noah in a few acts of brotherly love...but he was a good sport when he let Sissy bury him!

Look at that ocean! Smooth and inviting...except for those 25 pesky sharks....

Raking, Kids & Insulating....

I have a treat for you today...a guest post! My hubby has only written on the blog once in 18 months so when he wrote this yesterday I asked if I could share it. So, enjoy a peak into my hubby's mind... :)

We are spring rakers: as opposed to fall rakers. There really is no advantage to raking in the spring other than putting off the inevitable chore. I only bring this up because I was supervising the children as they raked and filled bags. It got me thinking about the numerous rites of passage we pass to our children. Not that raking is a “rite” per se. It’s just one of many things that usually has to be taught, at least here where leaves fall off the trees (for my Florida friends and family, it’s called Seasons…) It’s right up there with shoveling snow, taking out the trash, cleaning your bedroom, feeding the dog, etc.
Anyway, this got me thinking about the less tangible things that we pass on to the little humans in our lives. Critical thinking, kindness, respect for others, respect for creation, self-respect, self-confidence. These are important skills for dealing with all that life will throw at them. These skills also make for well-balanced human beings who don’t only think of themselves and their own needs. Hopefully, my teenage daughter will enter adult-hood knowing that she is strong, capable and deserving of as much respect as she is willing to show others. My boys will hopefully grow to be young men who devote their lives to more than pursuing what young boys are wont to pursue. So this question comes to mind: To insulate or not to insulate?

I’m not talking about shielding their little eyes from scary movies (which they already know are made-up stories. i.e critical thinking…) I’m not talking about shielding their ears from silly sounding words that mean nothing but make the speakers sound like they don’t have enough intelligence to think of another adjective. (i.e. self-respect) I catch myself sometimes telling my children to cling to one another because they will always need each other. Friends will come and go, but family is forever. Lately I’m beginning to think that this may not be entirely true. Well, it’s true enough, but perhaps it’s not the whole story. Do I really want my kids to have the view of “us against the world”? The answer is “no, I don’t”. Sure, I want them to watch out for each other and to protect and support each other. But not to the exclusion of anyone around them that may need the same support and kindness…in a word, grace.

My goal as a parent is not that my children will never want to venture into the world on their own, rather that they will know without doubt that whatever they do they can do it with the confidence that there is a place they can always return for encouragement and help. My hope is that their world grows smaller as their world-view expands. I hope they grow to understand that America is a wonderful place to have been born, but the universe does not revolve around this young country. There are many other cultures that have more depth and richness than this country has to offer. I hope my children learn to view these other cultures as valuable and valid, even if they don’t fully embrace the same ideals.
In short, I want my children to grow up to be open-minded, gracious, intelligent people that are leaders and free-thinkers, not blind followers; not insular, self-focused consumers of Amero-centric hedonism.
All of that from raking leaves. You should hear what goes on in my head when they set the table for dinner…