My husband flew to Florida last week for his sister's wedding. With prepping, packing and delivering him to the airport, I thought a lot about, "baggage". We all have it. We cling to it out of fear, using it as a life preserver that ironically just pulls us down. We hide it. We repackage it to cover its ugliness and hope no one looks under the bow. There are some people who are proud of their baggage and stand on it to proclaim their victim status. They like the attention that their "hardships" bring them and they just can't break free from the attachment. Family and friends eat this up and continue the cycle by referencing the baggage and how far they have come...it seems like we just can't leave our baggage at home...or better yet...have it lost during flight...
When I chose to become a bonus parent I knew that there were some carry on items we were going to be dealing with but I wasn't prepared for what I did with his baggage. Before we were married we discussed EVERYTHING...and I do mean everything. I know all of the struggles, hardships, frustrations, manipulations and deceit that occurred during his marriage...on both sides and I find myself struggling with some of these things. I find myself having a hard time forgiving people who hurt my husband and the four kids I now love. Is that crazy? I have a hard time forgiving physical abuse, emotional abuse, manipulation, hurtful words, hurtful actions and even parental alienation. I know I wasn't there for these events but I know how they affected my husband. I have even seen how some of those events continue to affect my husband (after 15 yrs) and that in turn affects me....and I subconsciously took his baggage and made it my own.
In the midst of my frustrations I can see that I am angry about circumstances that I had and have no control over. In struggling to forgive, I can see that dwelling on the past is not healthy and even if hearts had never changed...it would be best to forgive them. I have learned the most out of life when I humble myself and accept the grace, mercy and forgiveness that God offers me and in knowing how much I have been forgiven...it is only right to offer that same forgiveness to others. I think this forgiveness thing may need to be a daily process though because it is scary to let your guard down when you don't trust someones actions or intentions and you assume the worst...but again...I have no control over anyone else but me...and I don't need or want extra baggage. So, if you see me skipping down the sidewalk this summer it is because I am light as a feather and have left OUR baggage at the terminal!
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
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1 comment:
I remember how I felt when you told me about the punching incident. I was horrified! How someone could do that to their own child is beyond me. I have seen the boys blossom and grow with you in their life and I know they will be happier kids because of you. You and Scott are fantastic parents and do a good job providing the love and support they need.
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