A few weeks ago, I had to have a serious talk with Little Man about lieing...and wouldn't you know the little smarty complimented me while working out his consequence?? It is a common occurrence for us to have to "reprogram" the kids when they come home on friday's but after a few hours of gentle reminders, they are back in the swing of being home. The biggest thing we deal with is their tone. We are big on showing respect and that includes the tone of your voice. Sometimes their first response to each other is ugly, frustrated and short...and not appropriate for the question or situation. We have talked about why they do this until we are all blue in the face and they have some great theories (other home, school, being tired and frustrated) and for the most part we have put a stop to the ugliness but every once in a while it takes a few hours of correction....last month Eli and Lucas had a disagreement where Eli was trying to help Lucas and Lucas didn't think Eli knew what he was talking about...so he argued with him and was very rude...Eli tried to fix the situation by telling Lucas that he didn't feel very respected by Lucas' tone but that didn't really get thru to Little Man (so PROUD of Eli for trying that approach!) and by the next situation Lucas was a little more out of control. I just happened to see this argument and when I told Lucas to stop what he was doing he argued with me and lied...telling me he didn't do what it was that I saw him do....
So, I sent him upstairs and followed a few minutes later. He was in his room, laying on his back, with his arms behind his head. I sat down on his bed and just looked at him. I told him that we had a problem and that we needed to work it out together. We discussed the lie, his attitude and what type of consequence would be effective. His lieing seems to happen when he is defending himself in the heat of the moment and scared he will get in trouble. He doesn't stop to think before he speaks and that is when he is not 100% truthful. As rules are different at both homes, so are the punishments. I don't agree with sending the boys to bed without dinner because I do not believe that food should be used as a reward or consequence. I think it develops an unhealthy relationship with food. Food is a basic necessity of life and it will be provided whether they obey or not.
We discussed different punishments and it finally came down to him saying the best punishment might be for him not to get dessert. This particular week, I had made apple crisp and cherry crisp for dessert and Lucas knew I was going to make peach crisp that night. He said that at one house it wouldn't be much of a punishment because they don't usually have dessert but because I was making dessert more often, it would be waaaay more of a punishment at our house because my desserts were soooo good.... Did I just get played by my 7 yr old? Yep, I think I did....but we agreed to this consequence and he was well behaved for the rest of the day...by the time we had dinner, everyone had their dessert and Lucas never complained...not once...and my heart melted at his good attitude and respectfulness...and daddy and I decided that he could have dessert...and like we tell the kids...they will never get in trouble for being honest with us and telling the truth...
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