I feel It's Gonna Rain Like This For Days...(Creed)

I have really been enjoying a new Creed song called Rain. It's not a depressing, why me type of song but just a straight forward song...and the chorus really has me hooked...

I feel it's gonna rain like this for days. So let it rain down and wash everything away.
I hope that tomorrow the sun will shine. With every tomorrow comes another life...

I have had WAY too many people tell me that when it rains, it pours...and it just happens to be pouring at our house....but I have really been thinking on our circumstances lately. Does it seem like something is always happening in our life? Yes. But I don't believe this is a byproduct of anything we have done necessarily it is just a byproduct of a decaying body (or bodies) that affects every aspect of our life. With each new "event" I adjust my life to accommodate the new situation. I don't always do this with a gracious spirit or an obedient attitude but eventually I come around. I have come to embrace my role as a caregiver first to Scott and now to my mom and have found endless blessings that have come from those opportunities. It took a long time for Scott to be ok with me taking care of him but as his wife it is my honor to love and cherish him thru selfless acts of kindness and caregiving. Don't get me wrong, I don't always perform every act with a fantastic attitude and I don't always feel like doing the things that need to be done but I do believe that in my caregiving I am being obedient to God. There is usually a stigma that is attached to a chronic illness and with that we have experienced mean spirited comments and baseless ridicule stemming from a lack of compassion and ignorance. I must tell you that it is an ugly combination that showed us their true spirit and that spirit does not come from a happy place.

There are so many things to be thankful for that I am focusing on them instead of the frustrating parts of our life. I am so very thankful for the perfect job that opened up last Oct. and for the opportunity to find the perfect home in between kids and the clinic. I am super thankful that my boss lets me work from home at any time day or night so I can work around the health schedules of both Scott and mom. I am thankful that I live in KC and was only 30 minutes away from OMC where mom was for 6 months. I can't imagine how it would have worked if I had been in Ottawa still. I am so thankful for the opportunity to spend the last 190 days with my mother because I did not get to see her very much before the surgery. I didn't even see her this much when I lived with her! I am thankful for those ministering times in the hospital when I had to assist with her basic needs and she humbled herself and allowed me to help. I am thankful that my mom's brain is sharp and she is mentally here and strong. I am very thankful that God did not allow her to die after 6 months in the hospital....like my dad....because as strong as I have become I don't think I was quite ready for that yet. I am thankful that HE is teaching me patience in every moment of my life. You never really have the opportunity to see how selfish you are (or can be) unless selflessness is required of you on a regular basis. I found that it is easy to fake it for a little while, and put on that facade just to get by, but when the trials are daily it really brings you to your knees where you get an attitude adjustment. And I am thankful that God has shown me mercy and million times over when my attitude has just been crummy. I am thankful that we had the room for my mom to move in with us while she is waiting for open heart #2. I get to see her all day long, help her, take care of her and love on her. If this turns out to be our last few months together, what a blessing it will have been. Not every one gets an opportunity like this to bond with their parent while they are ill. I am thankful that my children love their grandma and wanted her to live with us before the opportunity presented itself. There is so much to be thankful for!

So, when I listen to "Rain" it is not a song of despair but a song of washing and renewing...Let it rain...and I hope that tomorrow the sun will shine....but I know that even if it doesn't the SON has already provided for me...With every tomorrow comes another life...and His mercies are new each morning...