Another disappointing moment...

I have learned a lot about divorce, bad parents and inconsistent parenting during my adulthood and while I wish the trend was really about "putting the kids first", that rarely happens. I have learned that people classify a divorce as "not so pleasant" "difficult" and "horrible" when they are challenged on the manipulative crap they pull. While many parents truly are "single parents" who have to do everything alone there are other parents who just love the victim role. They choose to lie and manipulate just for the sake of controlling. In Scott's case, he has had to fight for every minute he has had with his kids. There is always someone trying to prevent him from spending time with them because it would topple the balance of time they feel they should control.

So when we move 6 blocks away and the kids are excited to ride their bikes over during the week to say hi, they are told no. Or when they ask if they can come over to have daddy help with some homework they are struggling with, they are told no. That it OFFENDS the other parent if they want their dad to help them. Then they are told they can't even call their dad for homework help because now there is a rule about no phone calls during homework time. But, it's app. ok for the kids to be at their friends house until bed time....because it is about control. As long as the kids aren't with their dad it's ok for them to be gone. It has nothing to do with what is best for the kids, it is all about control. So, when the little one begs to come one extra day with his older brothers it is angrily agreed to. BUT, with the stipulation that it be 3 hours later than usual because the other parent wants to spend more quality time with the kids....though for the last 7+ years this parent naps on Sunday afternoons before work and the kids were either left alone to watch tv or taken care of by their grandma. ANYTHING but let them spend a few extra hours with their dad. So, the very first chance that they have to spend this great extra quality time what happens? She naps and the boys help their grandma with a chore, watch tv and one goes to a friends house for a few hours....so it has NOTHING to do with what is BEST for the kids....it has everything to do with control.

The bottom line? The little one asks me why they came over so late today when he knows his brothers usually come home early afternoon. He said the day was too short for him and he didn't feel like he got much time with us. I tell him that the other parent wants to spend some more quality time with him and he says....."but she didn't. She took a nap today, like she always does. Can we come home earlier next time?" What do you say to that? Do you tell him the TRUTH? No....I couldn't because I love him and don't want to hurt him. There are A LOT of things I could tell them all but what good would that do? I don't want to hurt them ever. I have protected them from so much crap and tried to paint a good picture of the other home....but once again, I find myself done. I am always so disappointed and wondering why in the world do I even try? The show you see is fake. It's really too bad too because having 2 and now 3 parents involved in these kids' life could make all the difference in the world. I will NEVER understand the desire to alienate a parent or to tell the world you are doing it all alone. There is no reason to be a victim. The BEST THING for any child is free access to both parents...no matter whos time it falls under. And, for the sake of the kids, if there is a mental health issue, the best thing you could ever do for them is to get help. But, as you all know...."when you are not on a team, raising kids becomes very difficult."  If this is how you want to continue to paint your situation there is nothing we can do about it. Be miserable. We are not. The kids LOVE to be home and that will only increase as the manipulation and control increases. duh.